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Personal (Advice, Tips, Etc.)

Charlie Traffas

2003-02-01 12:05:00

Both of previusly married, I've been seeing a man regularly for the past year. We get along great and the chemistry is there - lots of love on both sides. However, I feel growing anger.

Jaqui Brandwynne Dear Jacqui,Both of previusly married, I've been seeing a man regularly for the past year. We get along great and the chemistry is there - lots of love on both sides. However, I feel growing anger. I've been waiting for him to ask me to live with him or get married. I've been giving him plenty of hints but it's not working. I think he likes it the way it is. I don't want to lose him but the stress of waiting really affects my feelings. Why can't I get him to act? How long should I wait?  RitaDear Rita,Hinting won't work. If the two of you are still not able talk openly, especially about your future, there is something fundamentally wrong with this relationship. Both of you have been married before. Both of you must know that no relationship can flourish if the communication between partners is veiled or misleading. I can understand that you are angry. However, I believe much of your anger is directed at yourself for not having the courage to speak up for yourself and face the consequences. Is there true love between you, as you say? If so, asking your partner to clarify his feelings and future plans will not break the relationship. In the contrary, clarity is the foundation of any good relationship. Don't ask me, ask yourself, how long do you want to play this charade? Start talking openly and caringly. Tell him how much he means to you and that you are sure about making a lifetime commitment to him. It is quite possible that your man is not as ready as you are and he might have very good reasons to feel that way. Listen to what he has to say and then decide if you want to work things out together or move on and find another partner. Knowing is better than deferring the truth.  Quite possibly he is worried about some issues you can overcome and then move on to the next step. The holidays are approaching quickly. Give each other the gift of honesty and trust. That's what loving is about.

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Personal (Advice, Tips, Etc.)

Paul Daemen

2002-08-01 12:16:00

:  What is a green card?  How do I get one?

Paul Daemen Question:  What is a green card?  How do I get one?Answer:  A green card is a document through which foreign citizens can work and live legally  in the the USA.  A green card is obtained from the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS).  There is a branch office in Wichita, KS.Green cards are available to immigrants on the basis of certain qualifying family or employment relationships in the U.S., or on the basis of extraordinary credentials, a major investment in a job-producing enterprise, or luck in the visa lottery. Those who qualify as refugees may also succeed in adjusting to permanent residence. Green cards are not automatically granted upon marriage to a U.S. citizen or hiring by a U.S. company. Rather, the U.S. citizen or company must first have a petition approved by the INS.  Once the petition is approved, the immigrant must make his or her own application, either with the INS in the U.S. or with a consular officer abroad.  I obtained my green card through marriage, which allows me to work and stay in the USA.  My father obtained his green card through work.  He speaks several languages and is in a very specialized field of international tax.  This allowed his former employer to petition the Immigration Service for a green card. This is always a lengthy and costly process.  My sister was able to move to the U.S. after she had won the lottery in the Netherlands.There are of course rules.  One must always carry his/her green card.  When leaving or entering the country, one must show the green card and valid passport at the border.  A holder of a green card cannot vote or hold political office.People with a green card have the same legal rights and obligations  as a U.S. citizen, such as paying taxes.  You must reapply for a Green card every 10 years.  If a holder of a green card moves out of the U.S., he/she will lose green card previliges. The best way to avoid this is to return to the U.S every year.  There are several local firms that can assist in green card issues. The aforementioned is based on my past experience.  Any questions or concerns should be directed to your lawyer or immigration official.Only U.S. citizens and lawful permanent residents can petition on behalf of their relatives for a green card, and only certain relationships qualify. Some relative petitions are subject to numerical restrictions... others are not. In all family-based cases, the procedure is the same, the U.S. citizen files a petition with the INS establishing the relationship.  Once the petition is approved, the foreign relative makes his or her own application, either with the INS in the U.S. or with a consular officer abroad. In some cases, the petition and application are filed simultaneously with the INS. Put differently, green cards (or immigrant visas) are not automatically granted upon marriage to or adoption by a U.S. citizen.Immediate relatives of U.S. citizens are not subject to any numerical restriction, such as any spouse, unmarried child under the age of 21, or parent of a U.S. citizen. This means that once the petition has been approved, the foreign relative can immediately apply for an immigrant visa (abroad) or adjustment of status (in the U.S.). Other relatives of U.S. citizens are eligible for a green card, but are subject to numerical restrictions that create a backlog: brothers and sisters and married children of U.S. citizens are all subject to waiting periods of several years. Unmarried children who are 21 or older are also subject to numerical restriction.  This category however has has not resulted in a backlog, so they can apply immediately to immigrate.