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Tom Morris
Tom Morris is president of Downing & Lahey Mortuaries and Crematorium. He joined the family business as a funeral director and embalmer in 1986-the fourth generation to do so. There are two Downing & Lahey locations in Wichita-one on the east side at 6555 E. Central, and another on the west side at 10515 W. Maple. Tom can be reached at his office at (316) 682-4553, by fax at (316) 685-8624, or by e-mail at info@downingandlahey.com. You can also visit Downing & Lahey on the Internet at www.downingandlahey.com
Final Arrangements
2001-11-01 15:18:00
Service personalization
Question: As I recall the funerals I have attended over the last several years, the one that I remember most is a dear friend and loyal supporter of Indiana University. He was buried in an "Indiana Red" casket. The Indiana school song was sung. There were several other "Hoosier" references throughout the service. While at the time I didn’t know what to think, now, years later, I remember it fondly. What are the different things that can be done to personalize a service? Can just about anything be done?
Answer: The personalization of the funeral service is becoming more common every day because no life is ordinary. So why should the remembrance of someone’s life be ordinary? It is often said that the funeral is for the living and not the dead. If personalization can make the service more meaningful, it can be more beneficial to all who attend.One of the main benefits of personalizing a service is it allows family members to participate in planning the funeral ceremony. It is also not uncommon for an individual to take part in personalizing his or her own service by prearranging their own funeral.One method of personalization is with the casket itself. Just like the service you attended where they had an "Indiana Red" casket, there are caskets being manufactured that are licensed to have a school’s mascot, or name printed or even painted on the casket. Many caskets can also have a special embroidered panel placed inside the casket lid, above the head. These panels come in hundreds of designs, from an American flag to a John Deere tractor. In addition to the panels, some caskets have corners that can be changed. These corners may be praying hands or a colorful flowerpot, to name a few.There is also a special white-colored casket that is designed for family and friends to write messages directly on the outside of it with special markers. I have heard of this being used when it was a tragic death of a high school-aged person, and the classmates found comfort in writing a farewell message to the deceased.Many families like to set up a "memory table" or "memory board" where the service will be held. A memory table can consist of favorite items of the deceased, such as potting tools and gloves for the gardener, or fishing equipment for those who loved to fish. The memory board is often a collection of pictures of the deceased through different stages of his or her life. It may also include pictures of their children, grandchildren and friends.Sometimes the personalization of the funeral can be as simple as putting a picture on the service folders, or maybe by printing a special poem or prayer on the inside of the folders, which are given to all who attend the service.Personalization can also be achieved through music, whether it is a special song that has been used at the individual’s wedding, a Mariachi band or a Scottish bagpiper. In addition, casket flowers may be constructed around a cowboy hat or boots to symbolize one’s individuality.A word of advice: if you are planning to have a religious funeral ceremony, do not forget to discuss your ideas with the clergy. The clergy play an integral part in the funeral service, and they may have some suggestions of their own or may have some objections to some of your ideas. Many religions are very structured, and the funeral ceremony can be dictated by religious doctrine.
 
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