 | Joyce A. Thompson is a Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist (LCMFT). She owns Emotional Journey, LLC, which is a group, private practice made up of both male and females and which is located in Wichita, Kansas. We offer a full range of services including ‘talk’ therapy, sand tray therapy and therapeutic massage which all address the mind/body connection. We specialize in working with individuals (from tot to elderly), couples, families, and groups on a wide variety of issues. We also speak to groups or organizations on a variety of topics and offer chair massage at your business or group event. Emotional Journey, LLC is a member of many organizations, including The Wichita Chamber of Commerce, The Wichita Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, Wichita Independent Business Association, and The Better Business Bureau. You may learn more by going to our web site: www.emotionaljourney.org, by telephone at (316) 295-4758, or through email: therapists@emotionaljourney.org. |
Health & Wellness
2008-02-01 09:49:00
Handling depression can be a real challenge
I think my husband might be depressed. But every time I suggest that to him, he becomes even angrier and tells me to quit looking for problems. How can I tell if I’m right; that he really is depressed? What if anything can I do to help him? Or would it be better if I just left him alone?
Answer: For many men, admitting to depression is a sign of weakness or admitting to having a mental defect. They will try to convince everyone, including themselves, that they are just fine. Denial is a common coping mechanism used by many men; allowing them to pretend that everything is okay. But depression is a leading cause of disability, leaving many men unable to work. Depression can occur in anyone, at any age. It is not a sign of weakness. In fact, U.S. statistics state, “1 out of every 8 to 10 men” experience depression. Julie Totten, President and Founder of Families for Depression Awareness (a non-profit agency) is quoted as saying, “Men experience depression probably as much as women, but they aren’t diagnosed”. She goes on to say, “Depressed men often get angry at others and abuse alcohol and drugs”. This is their attempt to cope, although it only worsens the situation. Depression, if left untreated can be quite serious; even fatal. Men are at a high risk for suicide, being four times more likely than women to take their own lives. So you can’t just leave him alone. If you feel he is showing signs of depression, you must insist that he get help. Signs to look for include being irritable or angry almost every day, losing interest in things that he used to enjoy, giving up hobbies or friends, talking of death or suicide, abusing alcohol or drugs, engaging in risky behavior, having problems at work, eating too much or not enough, sleeping too much or not enough, making comments that you’d be better off without him, complaining of aches and pains, or regularly exhibiting any other unusual behaviors that is out of the ordinary for him. It is important to act quickly, because depression, when left untreated, will make your husband feel worthless and hopeless and his depression will greatly increase the likelihood that you too will eventually become depressed. Men can’t just “buck up”, “snap out of it”, or “just get over it”, even if they try. They can not change their feelings without receiving treatment. Instead, they require talk therapy, medication, or both. It is best to work with your physician and/or a qualified mental health professional to determine the best form of treatment for your husband’s specific needs.
Even if your husband downplays the depression, you must make treatment a top priority for the sake of your husband, your family, and yourself. Perhaps your best approach at getting your husband to accept treatment is to broach the subject in a factual manner. Instead of telling your husband that you fear he might be depressed, you could comment that you are concerned that he has not been sleeping well for weeks. This will help to lessen his defensiveness, as it’s more difficult to argue factual information. In addition, you might place brochures regarding depression out in the open where your husband can find and read the information without your making the outright suggestion that he do so. You might highlight the most important facts, so that he is sure to get the point of the article. In the meantime, do not force him to do things or visit places that make his situation worse. Do not burden him with a bunch of ‘to do’ lists. Do not give up and agree with his negative beliefs that he probably won’t get better. Instead, tell your husband that you love him and are concerned. Try to collaborate on a plan of treatment so that he feels he has your support and isn’t all alone in facing this problem. Reassure him of your love for him and of your belief that he can get better. Help him to find a qualified mental health professional, make the appointment for him if necessary, and then attend the appointment with him if at all possible. Do not give up; help is available.
