 | Pastor Dave grew up in northern New Jersey in a very diverse cultural area. He attended Central College in Pella, Iowa received a BA in sociology and psychology. He was an offensive guard for their NCAA Div III National Championship team in 1974. In speaking for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, he sensed a call to full time ministry. Meeting is future wife Sandy at Central, went to Michigan to finish her college while Dave started Western Seminary in Holland, Michigan. Dave married Sandy in 77 and completed his Masters of Divinity degree in 78. Pastor Dave’s first church was in Fort Lee, New Jersey, home of the George Washington Bridge. Their three children were born there and he also served as a Police and Fire Chaplain for the city. In February 1991, they came to Wichita to start Harvest Community Church. In 2006, he received his Doctor of Ministry degree from Covenant Theological (Presbyterian) Seminary in St Louis. During that year he gained a daughter-in-law with now 2 grandsons of 3 years and 6 months old. Besides Pastoring at HCC for the past 20 years, he has been Director of the SCSD & WPD Police Chaplains for 11.
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Religion
2008-08-01 09:35:00
Marriage of Christians and unbelievers
Question: 2nd Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” Does this mean a marriage between a “believer” and a “non-believer” is invalid?
Answer: This passage is set in the context of Paul’s dealing with the constant pull of the Corinthians toward unbelieving false teachers. They continued to struggle with their beliefs and values because they were being seduced away from God’s word to the philosophies of the day. Paul even felt they were holding back their love and affection (6:12) because they were of a divided heart. Their love and affection was divided between truth and titillating error. (Matthew 6:24) They could not give themselves fully to God their lover. Paul’s remarks can be applied not only to marriage but business relationships, friendships and the like. Why? Because when we become connected with someone like this, two things can happen. We will begin to compromise our walk and become like those we hang with or we will be in conflict with them and battle over even the most basic beliefs and foundational truths. That compromise cost Solomon (I Kings 11:1-14) especially his heritage, the full kingdom. Later in history when the rebuilding of Jerusalem took place, due to Solomon’s choice leading to its downfall, the push back to purity was a call to put away all contaminating foreign relationships (Ezra 10:11). All this was due to the unequally yoking principle.
In biblical times they would talk about an ox and a donkey being yoked together (Deuteronomy 22:10). They have different natures, with different priorities and would not get along together. It would be cruel to them to put them together. In our day it would be like two people wanting to start a restaurant together but one wanting it to be a Chinese Restaurant and the other person wanting it to be an Italian Restaurant. They would live in frustration, disappointment and anger because at every aspect and level they will be working against each other from decorating the restaurant to writing up the menus.
The same is true with marriage. If one person is a believer and one is not, how can they go to the depth of a soul-mate. They do not share the same love for Christ (2 Peter 1:3-4). Values and morals begin to be a problem and other issues begin to surface. Priorities about church and the things of Christ become battle grounds. Then also Satan has tremendous fertile ground to sow his seeds of temptation and seduction. I’ve seen some very committed believing men and women marry an unbeliever thinking their spouse will change, and wind up discouraged about going alone to church without the spouse.
Some drop away from church because they develop rituals and family traditions especially as the kids get older or sports become more prominent taking them away from the church. Some I’ve sadly seen have affairs develop from the affinity between opposite sexes at church, in a bible study or a choir. A spiritual vacuum is there. As spiritual sisters and brothers go to church without their spouses, they meet someone in the same predicament; they develop a friendship, pray together and even share scriptural insights. Sometimes naively and subtly, the spiritual connection gets deeper. Suddenly, a slippery slope can develop that slides beyond the appropriate and easily slips into the sin of adultery. If one looks a little, it’s not hard to see how this scenario can happen. At some point it’s not naivety, it’s humans with real emotions, who give up, tired of trying and give in to the seemingly easy way. However, as Proverbs 6:32-33 states, it brings brokenness and disaster.
Now if a “believer” marries an “unbeliever,” that relationship is valid even if it is committed to in rebellion to God’s will. The commitment has been made to God and that does not change, even if people do not understand or realize what they are saying before God and what the ramifications will be (1 Samuel 14:24-35). When a believer makes a commitment, their word is solid and firm (Matthew 5:37).
Now, by the grace of God, the word gives instruction about an unequally yoked marriage relationship in 1 Corinthians 7. In verse 12-13 even though they have an unbelieving spouse, divorce is not an option for a believer. Rather the Christian spouse is to be the bridge God uses to bring the unbelieving spouse and children to Christ. Peter elaborates even further on the attitude and practical living that needs to take place in winning a spouse to Christ (1 Peter 3:1-16). Paul points out that in living as a witness for Christ in the every day life, the believer may win the unbelieving spouse to Christ (vs 16).
Sometimes, the unbeliever doesn’t want to stay in the relationship as Paul notes in verse 15, especially when the believer will not go in a direction that is disobedient to God’s law and will. I’ve seen this several times where that took place. Once, a wife refused to participate in group sex and swinger relationships in which the unbelieving spouse wanted to become involved that he felt was a more mature open life. The marriage which is to be submitted to each other in Christ (Ephesians 5:21-25), at those points, believers are put in a position to reject that submission to the spouse and submit to God only. (Acts 4:19) Sadly, that marriage ended in divorce. May God give believers wisdom and strength in dealing with like situations.
My prayer is that we obey these words of scripture, not only because they are practically wise and can save us a lot of heartache and frustration. But because this is God’s will that is worthy to be obeyed, in and of itself, whether they are practically helpful or not. For His Glory, Pastor Dave.
