 | Joyce A. Thompson is a Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist (LCMFT). She owns Emotional Journey, LLC, which is a group, private practice made up of both male and females and which is located in Wichita, Kansas. We offer a full range of services including ‘talk’ therapy, sand tray therapy and therapeutic massage which all address the mind/body connection. We specialize in working with individuals (from tot to elderly), couples, families, and groups on a wide variety of issues. We also speak to groups or organizations on a variety of topics and offer chair massage at your business or group event. Emotional Journey, LLC is a member of many organizations, including The Wichita Chamber of Commerce, The Wichita Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, Wichita Independent Business Association, and The Better Business Bureau. You may learn more by going to our web site: www.emotionaljourney.org, by telephone at (316) 295-4758, or through email: therapists@emotionaljourney.org. |
Health & Wellness
2008-12-31 09:59:00
Post-holiday blues
Question: I’ve noticed that every January, I become somewhat depressed. I’ve spoken to many others who have experienced the same thing. Could you explain what’s going on?
Answer: The Post-Holiday Blues is a common occurrence for many after the holidays. It strikes both men and women of all ages. Although it’s somewhat different for everyone, there are many common factors which cause the blues.
Money is often a part of this first-of-the-year struggle. It’s easy to excitedly anticipate the look of excitement on our loved ones’ faces when they open that gift from us that they’ve always wanted. Unfortunately, in our rush to make our loved ones happy at any cost, we often end up doing just that! We over-spend and over-charge. Once the wrapping paper is tossed in the trash, and the gifts are put away, the excitement is likely to wane and the reality of what we have spent tends to set in. In January, the bills start to arrive, and we wonder what have we done and how will we ever get ourselves out of the mess of it all!
Another problem that can contribute to the Post-Holiday Blues is the recognition that once more, we missed out on the greatly anticipated Norman Rockwell holiday. Unfortunately, the holiday season is filled with many stressful situations. In the rush and hubbub of frenzied holiday shopping and can’t-miss bargains, with too many holiday get-togethers with too much alcohol involved, and with the need to reach goals and finish end-of-the-year projects at work, we all tend to reach our limits and wonder how we will survive. Adding to that, we are expected to attend numerous holiday get-togethers with family, friends and co-workers. Not only are you stressed out, but so are the others around you. When exposed to too much stress for extended periods of time, we all have a tendency to become the very worst that we can be! By the end of the holiday season, the reality of life and of time spent with others (both in the past and present) begins to wear on us. We wonder how we could have forgotten to ‘spare’ ourselves from the sure-to-happen misery which ‘always’ seems to occur when we participate in these holiday activities, and we often become angry with ourselves for letting it happen again. We remember how Mom and Dad ‘always’ liked our sister the best, and how we were ‘never’ good enough. Sometimes it’s not our families and friends that let us down; sometimes it is ourselves. Maybe we are the ones who pick the fights, drink too much or become too petty over little things.
After the holidays, we take time to reflect upon the holidays and the actions of ourselves and others. Often we don’t like what we see and maybe even feel embarrassed about our own inappropriate behaviors. We all have dreams of the perfect family and the perfect holiday season, and when those dreams don’t materialize we go through a sort of grieving period. We tend to seek out the holiday that never was, nor will ever be. It’s normal to ‘romanticize’ the holidays and expect them to be like the annual shows played year-after-year on the Hallmark Channel. The bad news is that until we face the reality and accept our families for who they are, we will have a tendency to trick ourselves year-after-year. The good news is that we can seek professional help and learn to make changes to how we handle (or avoid) these painful experiences. It’s true that we can’t change others, but we can change how we react to these individuals; learning to respond instead of reacting.
For some individuals, the holidays are a time of the year for long-ago memories and of people and places that no longer exist. Perhaps this is the first holiday without your spouse or significant other. Maybe there’s been a death, a divorce or a breakup. Or maybe you’ve lost touch with old friends who were once important in your life. It’s easy, even when there’s been a divorce or some sort of falling-out, to remember only the good aspects of those relationships while forgetting the negative aspects. This is common, yet adds to our pain. Being around others who are joyous and festive can serve to deepen our feeling of pain.
If you find yourself struggling after the holidays with unresolved issues and feelings, consider seeking professional help. Sometimes a few sessions are all that it takes to resolve trouble regarding a certain person or event. Sometimes the pain goes much deeper and more work is required to overcome the resentment and the pain of a troubled past. If you have the Post-Holiday Blues, consider making a change. You don’t have to continue struggling; you have a choice.
