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Health & Wellness

2010-10-01 10:11:00

Child neglect and trauma can affect adults years later

Questions: I had a really hard childhood with quite a bit of neglect and abuse. I find myself thinking about it a lot and I seem to get physically ill a lot. So many people tell me to just stop thinking about it. They tell me that it happened years ago and I just need to forget it, but I can’t. Am I crazy? A good friend of mine said I wasn’t crazy, but if not, then I don’t understand what is happening to me.

Answer: Trauma survivors often hear, “Just forget about it. It was in the past. You need to move on.” Unfortunately, this is not accurate for many and until they resolve their past traumatic experiences, they feel as if they ‘can’t ‘move on’. When trauma survivors find themselves unable to ‘get past’ the past, then they should seriously think about seeking the help of a licensed therapist. It is not unusual for those with past traumatic experiences to struggle with one or more emotional difficulties, mental disorders, and/or physical health concerns and diagnoses during their adulthood. Many of those who have survived trauma as children wrestle as adults with a variety of mental health problems. These struggles often include depression, PTSD and other anxiety disorders, relationship difficulties, angry outbursts, and/or alcohol (and other drug) abuse, etc. In addition, trauma survivors often experience physiological changes. Sometimes these individuals develop the onset of an illness, while at other times their condition(s) worsens for no apparent reason. These conditions can sometimes be psychosomatic. This is a condition which sometimes causes a person to feel they are being told, “It is all in your head,” “You are making it all up,” or “You are crazy.” But trust me, this is not accurate. These are real condition(s), even though they may have a psychological basis to them and even if the client does fear they may be crazy. (We hear this frequently from our clients who have had traumatic pasts). ‘Psychosomatic’ means only that it’s a physical disorder caused by or greatly impacted by emotional factors; in other words, there’s a mind-body connection. As a word of caution though, never assume that any illness or painful condition has a psychological component or cause; you should always be checked by a medical doctor before making this assumption. Physical symptoms often displayed by survivors of childhood trauma include some (although not all) of the following: a lack of eye contact, altered pattern of speech (very fast or slow, halting, at times stuttering, or stammering, etc.), an inability or difficulty in being able to cry, chronically tired (or possibly even diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue or Adrenal Fatigue), difficulty with anxiety (including the possibility of shakiness, ‘nervousness’, anxiety or panic attacks), shallow breathing (movement shows up in the chest – not down deep in the stomach region), chronic back pain (for no apparent reason as determined by a physician), hyper vigilance regarding your surroundings and those around you (especially if they have ever been abusive towards you, another person, to an animal, or property of some sort), feeling frozen and unable to move or unable to sit still, having body numbness or feeling as if you are ‘somewhere else’, having poor physical health, fainting or dizziness, dry mouth, or a variety of other symptoms. Some emotional symptoms may show up as: repeatedly struggling to find someone who will treat you as an equal in an intimate relationship, problems with co-workers, friends, or family members, finding yourself in the same types of stressful and or traumatic/abusive relationships, startling easily (jumping when someone enters the room, speaks to you, or walks nearby), trying hard to get along with everyone; being a ‘good girl’ (or boy) even when you feel otherwise on the inside, struggling to really trust others, making friends easily (yet not letting them know the ‘real’ you for fear that they wouldn’t like you), being fearful (although unsure of why you are fearful or of what you are fearful) feeling like a chameleon (changing to be like others and to fit in with those who are around you), feel a desperate need to control or not be in control of things (feeling the need to take charge all of the time or to always let others take charge), fearing that bad things will happen, dependent upon others, fearful of trying new things out on your own, seeking approval from others before trying new things, feeling as if you have no power, feeling hopeless and helpless about your life and of ever finding happiness, afraid of trying to find someone to love for fear they will hurt you “just like all of the others”, trying hard not to cry for fear that you will be unable to stop, feeling ‘damaged’ (not good enough for anyone), hypersensitive, not living your dreams for fear of failure. Remember, many of these physical symptoms can be indicative of many physical illnesses. Sometimes physical illnesses can cause one to function poorly on an emotional level as well. But when physician after physician says there is ‘nothing wrong’, don’t give up. Help may be available, especially if you are aware of abuse in your past. A word of caution though, sometimes people don’t remember abuse in their past, yet may have been abused anyway. The reason for this may be either that the child blocked the emotional and physical pain as a way of dealing with it, or they may not have recognized it as abuse and may have assumed that all families lived this way. Although entering into therapy can feel ‘scary’, because you fear feeling vulnerable, or experiencing painful memories and emotions, it is worthwhile and healing. We have both male and female Marriage & Family Therapists here at Emotional Journey, LLC. We are all trained to work with individuals, couples, and families. We also offer a wide variety of therapeutic techniques, including ‘talk’ therapy, hypnotherapy, and sand tray therapy. We individualize your specific care, as no two clients are ever the same. So when you repeatedly are told that ‘nothing is wrong’ by your doctor, you owe it to yourself to check with a licensed therapist to see if there might be more going on ‘behind the scenes’.