 | Rita Weibert received her social work license from Pratt Community College and has been a social worker for 17 years. She has worked in the hospice field for the past 12 years. Currently, Rita is a bereavement coordinator for Hospice Care of Kansas where she also facilitates children’s grief groups and is involved in the children’s summer bereavement camp. Rita can be reached at 1-800-HOSPICE. |
Hospice
2011-03-01 14:39:00
Understanding a child’s grief
Question: How does a child’s grief differ from an adult’s?
Answer: The loss of a loved one for a child can be complicated and confusing, but if adults in the child’s life understand a child’s grieving process they can better nurture the little one through their loss. Adults must understand that the loss of a loved one for a child can change the outcome of this child’s adult life as well as the initial time after their loss. Children very much follow a grief process but it differs from that of an adult. Adults commonly experience their grief process through denial, guilt, anger, depression, upward turn, reconstruction, and acceptance. Children often have stages such as disorganization, transition followed by reorganization.
Disorganization is an expression of grief for children that can vary from regression, throwing out-of-characteristic fits and exaggerated fears in elementary-aged children, to physical symptoms such as no longer concentrating and mood swings in older children. Adults can assist children through this stage with patience and understanding.
With the transition stage, a child will show feelings of despair, helplessness and hopelessness leaving them feeling different and very alone. This follows the stress and chaotic behaviors of the initial disorganization stage of the process. Several little ones will show actual depression symptoms. More commonly seen among children in this stage are symptoms of withdrawal, aggression and giving up not only in school, but also extracurricular activities; this can affect their well-being and school performance.
Finally, with the reorganization stage, feelings may be expressed with emotional energy ups and downs and detachment is a concern. During reorganization, children have more energy and motivation for reaching toward a positive outcome to their grief. It is key to note here that when an adult sees a child playing and happy during this stage, understand the grief process may not be over, but is on track to emotional well-being.
The last thought in helping young ones live through grief is the developmental stage of the particular child involved. It is necessary to take into consideration that a grieving child’s developmental stage may fall behind his or her chronological age. Regression is expected and developmental accomplishments take longer to obtain.
Though children’s grief moves along this cycle most commonly, it is difficult due to the circular nature of grief (many people can understand this if they have experienced grief on a personal level). About the time one has moved ahead in their resolution of grief, a reminder of their loss can bring back waves of emotions that take them right back to the feelings of loss and great sorrow. Adults in the child’s life can see these signs and understand what is happening, but more than likely the child is unable to grasp this understanding of their emotions. Adults can then recognize the continual nature of grieving to help a child through this trying time during their development.
