 | Lisa Vermillion is President and co-owner of Get Fit Bee Fit and Thin and Healthy Weight Management. Lisa opened Get Fit- 4 years ago in Valley Center, after receiving certifications thorough the American Council on Exercise as a Weight and Lifestyle Management Consultant and Certified Personal Trainer. In January, she Grand Opened Thin and Healthy Weight Management in the same location. Lisa not only provides weight loss programs for individuals but she also implements business wellness programs for small businesses and large corporations. Additionally, Lisa is a Certified Life Coach providing guidance for individuals in the areas of career, relationship and personal development. She is available for speaking engagements in the areas of Physical Fitness, Weight Management, or any Life Coaching area (goal setting, positive attitude, sales, etc). Lisa can be reached for questions or speaking engagements by phone (316) 755-1115 or email at mvmillion@yahoo.com |
Diet & Nutrition
2011-09-26 16:59:00
Trust your own mind
Q: I am very indecisive. My friend that I go to for advice always says something positive. The problem is she always says something bad about me almost in the same breath. I can’t trust my own mind and I’m constantly worrying if I’m doing the right thing. Is there any quick fix for this?
A: You can trust your own mind... it just told you the person you are seeking advice from isn’t what they appear to be. “Throwing in” something bad about you isn’t exactly positive is it? Give yourself credit for discerning that this may be the wrong person to seek advice from. People who feel the need to knock someone else have one or more issues. They like to feel in control, they have poor self esteem, or they have poor communication skills. You can choose to continue subjecting yourself to her remarks or you can find someone else when you want advice.
One reason some people knock another person is their need for control over others going to your “friend” for advice makes her feel powerful. She may feel she’s knows more than you because you sought her advice. She feels control over you because you listen to her. My guess is that if you chose not to take her advice she’d be angry. Saying something bad about you is also a form of control. Adding a dig is her attempt to control your emotions. The truth is nobody can make you feel bad without your permission. If you continue giving her the opportunity to poke at you, her powerful feelings will grow and feed her habit. While it’s certainly fine to seek counsel, make it from someone who can do it helpfully, without attacking you.
Some people knock other people because they have a poor self esteem. If they knock you down, it somehow makes them feel better. It elevates their worth in their own mind. Subconsciously, the goal is just to make you feel as bad about yourself as they feel about themselves. There’s an old saying, “Misery loves company.” Bringing you down, gives them company in the muck they choose to stay in. A friend of mine once said, “The problem with a pity party is that no one comes and no one brings cake.” You have the right to put your foot down and separate yourself from these toxic people’s party.
Finally, some people bash others simply because they lack good communication skills. They may have learned their habit from their parents who treated them in the same way. If they haven’t been exposed to any other means of communication, they simple adopt what they know into their own language. In this case, simply pointing it out to them can have a profound effect. If they are willing to learn, they will appreciate your help. If they aren’t willing to learn, you again have the opportunity to choose whether you will subject yourself to their remarks.
Carefully choose your advisors. Pick someone who can keep your conversation positive. People with control issues, people who heap their self esteem issues on you, and people who refuse to learn better communication are not your best resources. Separating yourself from toxic people will do more for your self esteem than anything else.
