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Relationships

2011-10-24 14:47:48

How to break the stress cycle

Q: I am 63-years old. I lost my job. I only have a few months of financial reserves. I am so stressed, sex is the last thing on my mind – and my boyfriend resents it. What can I do?

A: Unfortunately, financial stress is affecting millions of Americans these days. A recent poll reveals that seven in 10 people are “very stressed” about money issues. Financial stress is clearly linked to various health problems such as sleep disturbance, temporary or chronic depression and lack of libido. In turn, loss of sexual desire affecting one partner generally causes increased relationship stress. In these difficult economic times, it is most important for partners to pull together rather than blame each other for conditions they can’t control. Understanding what a person under stress is going through is the key to help the anguished. Their anger, their hurt or lack of sexual response is not directed at the other partner. Their feelings result from painful psychological conditions that affect both men and women threatened by economic distress. Now more than ever, each other’s support is most important. A loving touch from a partner, a reassuring gesture and word can mean a great deal to women and men. When stress occurs, your body goes through a series of natural responses that cause the release of particular hormones. If such stress response becomes continuous, it can contribute to a condition known as chronic stress, a serious health condition. Stress response also interferes with hormones involved in your sexual response, resulting in low libido, i.e. loss of sexual desire which leads to more stress. Rather than repressing these feelings, it is really helpful to talk about them to understand what each of you is going through and how to support each other. Is there any way to stop this vicious cycle? Several actions can help manage stress. Daily talks to increase closeness and caring can stop the conflict dynamic. Practice positive communication with your partner, hear each other out without interruptions, share your problems, and explain your feelings. If you are not currently in relationship, seek out a friend or trustworthy acquaintance to be part of your support system. This is the time to open up to others rather than clamp down, even if you’re not the sharing type. There are physical ways to reduce stress; regular exercise, as simple as daily walks, can make a big difference in your emotional outlook. Breathing techniques and meditation can lower stress remarkably and help avoid chronic stress conditions. Many studies have shown that sharing feelings with a partner, a loved one, a trusted friend can make a positive difference in dealing with conflict. If you’re in relationship, try to see your current condition as a problem you want to solve together rather than faulting each other. A hug, a kiss or a look that says “I’m with you, we’re in it together” can still work wonders. When a person’s depression doesn’t seem to ease, medical and/or professional counseling may become necessary. Sometimes, anti-depressant medication is indicated. However, several anti-depressants may repress sexual desire. In or out of partnership, keep connecting! It’s the connection you don’t know about that may help you find a positive solution, a new job or a new friend.