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What's New

2012-03-21 16:11:27

Why wouldn’t I help you...if I could?

Q: What’s new?

A: To those of you who may be new to The Q & A Times Journal or a long-time reader but not know, this was a question that was sent to me several years ago when we first began publishing our paper. It was such an open-ended question, I decided build a monthly column around it, which would allow me to write about a wide range of topics. Many of my topics have dealt with our country’s debt, deficit, the shrinking value of the dollar, our economy, the global economy, politics and policies. I try not to be a whiner like many pundits and just complain about something, but rather I feel I have always tried to outline the facts as I see, study and research them, then provide a plan or a solution to fix, or assist in fixing the problem. This month however, I will depart from my norm and write about something that is very personal to me. Before I begin, please accept and understand…there is nothing about me that is better than anyone; I am not a member of the clergy; and I don’t want what I will say to be taken as a sermon. I am not qualified or worthy. My only intent this month is to share something with you that has worked for me, that I believe will work for you, in every situation in which you will find yourself in for the rest of your life. If you do not think so at the end of this article…that is fine. Help that is offered does not have to be help that is accepted. First, a “primer” for the biggest reason how I got to where, I will tell you that I am. I began working at KFDI Radio in the early 70s in advertising sales. I had answered a blind ad in the Wichita Eagle for the position and had sent in my resume. The day after I sent it, Ol’ Mike Oatman called and we set a time to get together. Ol’ Mike and Mike Lynch owned Great Empire Broadcasting (at that time the largest country music radio chain in the world, and parent company of KFDI), two people who I admired more than any I had ever met, other than my parents. After several of these “get togethers,” I accepted the position. Ol’ Mike was awesome…a word that wasn’t used as much back then as it is today, but most descriptive of him. In my opinion, he knew more about country music, the industry, business and people than anyone. His work ethic was such that he would never quit any task that he pursued no matter how long it took, or how difficult it was. He was my mentor. I wanted to learn as much about the industry, business and people as did he. Early on, I had as my goal, to gain as much knowledge as I could gain, so I could make decisions for the company as well as, if not better than, he could make. That was a pretty lofty goal, but it is the goal I had. Within a few months, I became the top billing salesperson at KFDI. I was promoted to General Sales Manager, and within a few months, Corporate Sales Manager. From 1977 to 1983, I was the top billing radio salesperson in the country, according to Maurie Webster, a Sr. Vice President of CBS Radio in Chicago, who kept track of such things. My quest for more knowledge was insatiable. As I acquired more knowledge, I became more powerful. I also became more prideful. I was making many of the decisions for our company’s sales area, in synch with my self-stated goal, but my pride continued to build…to the point where Ol’ Mike could scarcely tell me anything. I pretty much knew it all. I have always had the problem of wearing my feelings and emotions “on my sleeve.” Now, when Ol’ Mike would give me input on a decision that needed to be made, I not only showed my chagrin at hearing it, but I had even begun to roll my eyes, which was a huge display of disrespect. Finally, one day (a day I will never forget, Monday, February 4th, 1985), he had enough. In the middle of a one-on-one meeting, he stood up and slapped his desk and said in a loud voice, “I’ve had enough! You have reached the point where I can’t talk to you about anything, and I have reached the point where all of the good you do for me and the company is no longer worth how you make me feel when you roll your eyes and show me the disrespect that you do. I want you to leave right now and think about all of this. Then, tomorrow morning, I have a broadcast council meeting at Brown’s Grill on North Hillside. You come and see me after that meeting and let me know what you want the future to be, but that future won’t include any more disrespect!” “Wow,” I thought. I couldn’t believe this was coming down. How could he put everything I was doing on one side of the “scale” and it all be outweighed by that little thing on the other side of the scale? I didn’t say anything to anyone. I left. I don’t mind telling you, I was shaken as badly as I can ever remember being shaken about anything, to that point in my life. I drove South on Broadway from the station. I came upon St. Mary’s Cathedral. No matter what problem I had ever faced in my life, I knew the first thing I had to do was to get right with God. It was 11:30 AM, just in time for Confessions before the 12 Noon Mass. I went to Confession. Although I hadn’t figured out what I was going to do yet, it was the start that I needed to solve this problem. Afterwards, I left. As I was driving home, I thought of my Dad. Dad was very proud of me being at KFDI. I did a lot of voicing of the commercials for my clients. He listened to KFDI several hours each day, while he was on the tractor, fixing fence, or whatever chore he was doing on the farm. He loved listening to me. I called him to tell him what had happened. After I relayed the story and finished with, “Dad, I just don’t know what got into Ol’ Mike. I can’t believe he did what he did,” Dad said, “Well, you know son, I think I know what he was feeling.” “What is that?” I asked. He said, “When you were here on the farm, you were the hardest working guy I had ever seen. No one could haul more hay, dig more fence post holes, build new fence, paint, clean up, scoop grain, clear timber, do chores…you were the best. But when you would get finished doing one or more of these things, I would say something like, ‘Let’s go do this, or let’s go do that,’ and the expression you would get on your face and the way you would roll your eyes, made me feel a lot of times the way you said Ol’ Mike told you he felt.” “Wow,” I thought. This was the same thing I had just heard from Ol’ Mike. I had heard it twice in less than two hours. I thought, “It must be me that is out of bounds.” Long story short…I spent the rest of that afternoon and evening thinking and praying about it all. My prayers to that point in my life had always been about what I wanted, and most of the time, a very long “laundry” list of things I wanted. When reciting the Our Father as many times as I did that afternoon and evening…slowly…it finally dawned on me what I was saying, “…Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…,” and “…Give us this day our daily bread…” Everything in my life had been me…me…me. It was as if it was a flash…I knew I had to get the “me” out of my prayers and pray instead for God’s will to be done in all matters. It is going to be done anyway, why not pray for it instead of what I want? As I had my “awakening” that afternoon and evening, I was so sorry I had let pride overtake me in so many areas in my life, and had become so selfish. I then began to feel an overwhelming peace that I had never felt before. I didn’t know what was going to happen and how this was all going to get resolved, but that is the day I quit praying for what I wanted, and began praying instead for God’s will to be done in all matters, that He make me an instrument of His will, and that He would give me the grace to accept His will. The next morning, after calling Dad and apologizing to him for anything and everything I had ever done to disrespect him or hurt him, I went to Brown’s Grill. I waited at a table by myself for Ol’ Mike to finish his meeting. When it was over, he saw me and sat down. I immediately said, most sincerely, looking directly into his eyes, “Mike, I am sorry, for anything I have ever done to hurt you. While I did not intentionally mean to disrespect you, I realize now that I did. Again, I am sorry. I want to serve you and the company. I ask for you to forgive me and give me another chance. If the time ever comes again that I feel any disrespect for anything you have to tell me, I will leave immediately. You won’t have to ask me to leave. You will never witness any disrespect again.” By this time I had tears in my eyes. He did too. We embraced. He said, “That’s good enough for me pardner.” It is a commitment I never failed to keep, up to and including the time of his death on January 27, 2003. On March 3rd, 2012, the most important and loved person in my life passed away. It was my wife, Brenda. Like many of you who call your spouse, “Honey,” I called Brenda, “My Honey.” She called me, “Bunny.” I am sure most men would not want to answer to such a name, but it was something special between us, and I not only wore the name proudly, but I also relished hearing it each time she called me this. You see, in the mid-80s after we began dating, I had bought her a small, stuffed rabbit. It was holding a little pot in its arms labeled, “Honey.” Around its neck was a label that said, “Honey Bunny.” From that moment on she was always, “My Honey.” I was always, “Her Bunny.” My Honey had been diagnosed with cancer in December of 2009. We fought through a total of five different regimens of chemotherapy and radiation. The fourth one, administered for only three weeks in early December of 2011, before moving to her fifth in early January of 2012, left her where she had extreme difficulty in breathing. She went on oxygen, 24/7, in late December. Her breathing became increasingly more difficult until the end, when we can only assume that her heart gave out. Did it have to happen? I will never know, but I accept it as being God’s will that it did. But you can rest easy. The remainder of this column is not about someone who lost his or her spouse seeking your sympathy, or a long story about how much a surviving spouse loved the spouse who passed away. Rather, it will be my attempt to pay forward what God did for us and is now doing for me, so that it might help you and your family in the trials and challenges you have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience in the future. It can be…in the most literal words I have ever used…a Godsend for you. Forgive me if I am too repetitive in some of my statements, but I come from the media world. I have always believed “frequency” to be more important than “reach.” Of all the things My Honey and I had and have in this life, we were most thankful for our faith in God. When My Honey was first diagnosed with cancer, we were devastated. We of course wanted everything to be like it was before the diagnosis, as soon as it could happen. We immediately got into a clinical trial with the Mayo Clinic, took a trip to Rochester, MN, met with oncologists, investigated, read, researched, began treatment immediately, and looked forward to every CT scan and PET scan we would get every three months to keep track of the size of the tumors. If they stayed the same or got just a bit smaller, it was wonderful. It they got a little larger, it was bad news because that meant the chemo regimen wasn’t working and we would have to switch to a new one. There are only a few, so each time we changed to a new one, we knew we had used up one more. Although we were on a race (as it seems now) to get everything back like it was before the diagnosis, our faith and God’s enlightenment kept us from praying for this. We of course asked that it be God’s will that she be healed, but more than this, we prayed for God’s will to be done, whatever His will was going to be. Sometimes you hear, “Don’t try this at home.” I suppose there would be those who would say this to you about praying for God’s will to be done, as opposed to praying for what you want. Here is my first, “Please believe me,” in this column. Please believe me, it is a much less stressful and more peaceful existence to pray for God’s will to be done in every matter, than it is to pray for what you want. Take issue with this statement if you wish, but God’s will, will be done, every time, in every situation. If this is true, and as surely as the sun comes up in the East I believe it to be, then why would one pray for anything else? While I have never heard a member of the clergy connect the two, I think our Lord was trying to also tell us this in Matthew 11:30, when He said, “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Our struggles with My Honey’s illness and treatment would have been much more stressful and heavy were we to have continually prayed for what we wanted. I don’t think it happens that you “get there” the first time you pray in this manner, but continually praying in this manner will get you where you need to be. Our burdens were lighter than they ever could have been when we resigned ourselves to God’s will, prayed for it to be done, that He make us an instrument of His will, and that He give us the grace to accept His will. Many of us search throughout our lives for the very best way or ways we can show God we love, honor and praise Him. Here is my second, “Please believe me,” in this column. Please believe me, there is no better way to show Him, that He loves and welcomes more, than by praying in this manner. But this seems to be different than the way most people pray, or the way most people tell me that they pray…praying for what they want instead of what God wants. I know our Lord said in Matthew 7:7, “Ask and you shall receive…” and I certainly don’t want to take issue with this, but when requested in Luke 11:4, “Lord, teach us to pray,” He also taught us to pray the Our Father where He said, “…Thy will be done, Thy kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven…” and “…Give us this day our daily bread…” In the moments and hours following My Honey’s passing I was a “train wreck.” While I had enough sense because of my faith, not to ask God, “Why?”, I was filled with questions I asked myself like, “What will I do?” “What will happen to me?” “How will I go on?” Everything was me…me…me…again, even though I had prayed as I had detailed for years, and how I was able to get through the death of my father in 1989, our son Dusty in 2001, my mother in 2011, and so many other friends and family members. This “me…me…me” was a “quicksand” that was pulling me under fast. But just as quickly as I began asking myself these questions, I felt God say, “If you prayed for My will to be done, why do you now ask yourself all of these questions about you and your welfare? Pray for My will to be done with regards to you too; that I make you an instrument of My will; and that I give you the grace to accept My will. If praying this way was good enough for Brenda and her illness, why isn’t it good enough for you now?” Here is my third, “Please believe me,” in this column. Please believe me, nothing I have ever received in the midst of any trial or challenge I was experiencing, was more welcome than this. I felt shame, because what I had always prayed for since that day in 1985, had left me because of my selfishness, at a most critical time. But at that very moment of His enlightenment, I prayed emphatically, “O God, I pray for Your will to be done, that you make me an instrument of Your will, and that You give me the grace to accept Your will, and please give me Your grace right now.” He was there…immediately. It was as if I could have reached out and touched Him. He was not only there once or twice, but each time I asked for His grace, He was there. He never missed. In this day and age of “instant gratification,” you will be happy to know, it wasn’t a type of relief that took awhile to kick in. It was as immediate as if I stepped underneath a shower. It was there…every time. Here is my final, “Please believe,” in this column. Please believe me, while it is often perceived by many that talking about one’s faith, practice of the same, and how one prays, is not cool and not the thing to do…there is nothing that will serve you better in this life, for anything and everything you want, than praying for God’s will to be done. I could have written on a lot of other subjects this month. It just seemed right and very timely to share my journey so that I might try and help you…if I could.