 | Mickey H. DeHook is a 30 year, nationally recognized, law enforcement veteran and trainer. He was born and raised in Toledo, Ohio. He is also a police consultant and expert witness on liability issue lawsuits filed against law enforcement agencies. He has received numerous state and national awards in traffic safety and criminal investigations. Mickey has appeared on radio and television and lectured throughout the United States on the issues of domestic violence, rape and sexual abuse, child abuse, self-defense for women, and traffic safety. Mickey also has a program called "On The Line...You Make The Call," for college student-athletes. It's an interactive program designed to make the student-athlete aware of the temptations and resulting choices he or she may be faced with in his or her daily life. You can contact Mickey at (620) 327-2222, or e-mail: mdehook@kscable.com |
Safety
2001-11-01 10:37:00
It’s not a civil matter... it’s a crime!
Question: I am only writing this because I see you people at The Q & A times always change the names of people who write the questions. I don't need any more problems so please don't call. Just answer if you can in your paper. I read about a lot of different places where someone who is being abused can go, but I don't have the luxury of shopping around. The first place has got to be the right place. What should I do? I don't want to leave my husband but I can't take it any more. Where should I go?
Answer: Help is just a phone call away. If you live in the Wichita area call the YWCA-Women's Crisis Center and Safe House… 267-SAFE, or Harbor House… 263-6000. Outside the Wichita area call the National Domestic Violence Hotline… 800-799-7233 for the nearest Domestic Violence Center.Who would believe that American women today are in greater danger in their own homes than in public? We live in a culture that values stable, secure families and personal liberty for all citizens. But the truth stands in starling contrast to these ideals. Alarming statistics provide a glimpse of the reality that many women face every day of their lives. Domestic violence is no longer a private or a civil matter… it’s unacceptable. Domestic violence is a CRIME! Someone is abused every 15 seconds. According to the FBI, domestic violence claims the lives of four women each day. Over 4 million women are battered every year in America. They spend over 100,000 days in the hospital, 40,000 enter the emergency room, 30,000 visit their doctor. Here are few examples:· To insure submission from his wife, for years her husband made a regular practice of terrorizing her by shooting bullets just over hear head. · A husband beat his wife black and blue for cutting his sandwich the wrong way. · A husband repeatedly kicked, then threw his wife down the stairs for failing to stop her toddler's crying.Domestic violence is probably the most wide spread form of violence in the country and can occur in all social classes. Domestic violence may be physical, sexual or emotional. Slapping, punching, shoving, beating, kicking, strangling, making threats of harm, deprivation of sleep or affection, sexual assault, harassment, insults, and making any other verbal abuses or any other patterns of behavior that causes emotional harm are all acts of domestic violence. Violent behavior toward others is wrong. It is against the law no matter who does it. The first assault inflicted by a batterer usually shocks the victim. It is hard to believe that a person who proclaims love, devotion and commitment to you could violate you. About 20% of battered women report that the first assault by their partner came during pregnancy. Thereafter, episodes of violence may be infrequent or frequent, prolonged or short-lived, severe or mild. Non-violent tactics of control are always coupled with violent conduct. Violent assaults usually increase in frequency and severity over time. As the batterer's violence progresses, he may begin to abuse the children and he may direct violence or threats of violence against friends or extended family. Even those batterers who infrequently use violence regularly remind their battered partners that non-compliance with their demands may precipitate violent assaults.Victims often make up excuses for the abuser's violent behavior, often blaming themselves. Nothing excuses violence… not a bad day, rudeness, a need for control, or the way someone was raised. Batterers are often sorry and apologetic afterwards, however in most cases the violent behavior will continue and probably get worse. If you don't do something about your abusive situation, you are harming the family. There is evidence to show that children raised in abusive homes are likely to become abusers or victims of abuse in later life.You are not powerless or locked into a battering relationship forever. You can prepare to leave at the right time. It often takes time mentally and emotionally to end a violent relationship. While you are thinking about 'getting out', gather together originals or copies of as many of these important family documents and records as you can: birth certificate for yourself and your children; deed or lease to your home; checkbook, extra checks and bank statements; car registration, title, extra keys; social security cards; marriage license; tax returns and W2's (last three years); insurance policies and premiums; paycheck stubs for both you and your spouse; picture ID; joint credit cards; children's shot records; and documentation of household possessions. Many of these documents will be necessary in order for you to obtain housing, pubic assistance, and free or inexpensive legal services. It is a good idea to set aside what extra cash you can in a safe place. Hide an extra set of car and home keys outside the house or at a neighbor's and pack an extra set of clothes and shoes for yourself and your children. These items can be stored with a neighbor, friend or your church. As soon as you do make contact with one of the domestic violence centers, ask about a 'protection order'.If however you are in immediate danger and find a chance to leave, do so. Later, law enforcement can accompany you back to your home for personal items and the other items mentioned above. Call the toll-free, 24 hour, Kansas Crisis Hotline at 1-888-END-ABUSE. They can be of great assistance as well.
