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Nadine ReimerPenner
Nadine Reimer Penner ACSW, LSCSW, s Director of Bereavement at Harry Hynes Memorial Hospice. She is certified as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and by the Academy of Certified Social Workers. Nadine's memberships include National Council of Hospice Professionals, the National Hospice and Palliative Care Association. She has made presentations to the National Hospice Organization, and the Association for Death Education and Counseling. Your can reach Nadine at (316) 219-1761 or FAX (316) 265-6066, or by e-mail at nreimerpenner@hynesmemorial.org
Hospice
2002-12-01 09:36:00
Grief and the holidays
:  How can I celebrate the holidays when I am grieving the death of a loved one?
ANSWER:  One of the best ways to help you with a difficult holiday season is to learn from others who have experienced it.   Here are some examples of how some people of chosen to spend their holidays:The first Christmas without my husband was the most painful.  I was with my son and daughter in the Carolinas and in that different setting, the void of an empty chair was less noticeable.  All of us shared some tears in remembering past Christmases.  In that time of sweet-sad remembering, I felt an overwhelming joy that comes from his legacy-his children.  I am reminded of this beautiful gift each time we gather.The first Thanksgiving and Christmas my husband was gone, I kept to myself, I suppose feeling sorry for myself-angry with Bill for not seeing a doctor sooner.  I spent most of those holidays at his grave.   The second Thanksgiving and Christmas, I made up my mind I was going to spend time with what is left of my family.   I put up a Christmas tree and baked-the things I felt he would have wanted me to do.  The third holiday without him I volunteered to sit with our women's abuse shelter on Thanksgiving, and have a late dinner with my family.  Then I put up our tree with all the ornaments we've collected through the years.  Does it get easy?  No, but it gets easier.  The grief is still unbearable at times, but I have learned to get through it.  I still get angry with Bill about not seeing the doctor and leaving me, so I go to the cemetery and tell him about it.  Yet, I love him more today than I have ever loved him.We wondered what Christmas would be like without Dad to read a part of the birth narrative from the Bible.  Without him there, what was going to be done?  My mother-in-law brought the Bible over to me Christmas afternoon and asked me to read as Dad had done so often in Christmases past.   That Christmas meant as much to me as any Christmas ever had.  It became a special time for my wife as well.  It did not take away the grief, but enshrined it with new meaning for all of us.  All of us were doing something new that Christmas, all things that Dad had traditionally done.  Grief and its expression is a very individual, personal experience.  People choose to deal with the holidays in ways that are comfortable for them.  You may feel many different emotions this holiday season.   If you would like more information about grieving and the holidays, you are invited to attend a seminar on coping with the holidays sponsored by Harry Hynes Memorial Hospice,    Monday, December 9, 2002, 7:00 p.m.  For more information call 219-1761.  
 
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