 | Shanna Parrish-Taylor is the Director of Nursing at Vintage Place Assisted Living. She is a RN with 9 years long term care experience, experience in critical care as well as hospice setting. Shanna is currently working on her master’s degree towards obtaining her ANRP. For more information on Shanna or Vintage Place please call 620-231-4554.
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Senior Living
2012-08-02 08:33:34
How can I honor my loved one's wishes and do what I think is right?
Q- I could really use some guidance. My mother has made it very clear over the years that she does not want to go to a "home" or have any personal aids in the home. However, she is getting more and more forgetful, gotten lost several times lately while walking just five houses down the street, and generally just not doing well as she has a terminal condition. I want to honor her wishes in her last days but not sure it is what is best for her or how to balance providing care while I continue working.
A- I understand your desire to honor your mother and her wishes, and the dilemma of trying to maintain a work schedule while providing care. It is an understandably emotional and stressful situation.
While it is important to honor her wishes, it is also important to look out for her best interests. It sounds like she could use some additional assistance in some form.
One solution may be to enlist the help of other family members and take turns visiting her throughout the week. If that is not an option, perhaps friends of the family could come help as well.
If moving in with her is feasible, perhaps that could be a reasonable solution as well. Even though you would be gone for work, you would be home in off hours to help keep things on track.
Even though it is not an option as far as your mom is concerned, an in-home aid or assisted living facility may be the best and safest option. There are facilities to fit every need and some have transitional relationships with other facilities that provide end-of-life care, so that you have support and expert help in meeting every need without delay throughout the last days.
While your mom sounds adamant, sometimes providing more information can overcome the problem. It may be that she has visions of a convalescent hospital she remembers her grandparents in or has heard stories of irresponsible helpers others have hired- or just assumes the worst of each to be true. By providing information, you may be able to ally her fears or dispel irrational concerns. She may actually find that she likes the facility and the extra attention!
I would start talking to her about the options and enlist her help as a teammate in making the best day possible.
