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Jacqui Brandwynne
Jacqueline Brandwynne started her Very Private® Q&A advice column to help people make their relationships happier and more intimate. The column focuses on dating, relationships, and intimate health. Jacqui also developed doctor recommended Daily Feminine Body Care products for women. For a free sample of the Very Private® Intimate Moisture product call (888) 837-9774. Mail a question to Jacqui: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049, or e-mail: info@veryprivate.com. For intimacy advice and to listen to Jacqui's radio show every Wednesdays visit www.veryprivate.com
Relationships
2013-03-01 11:25:12
Suddenly single again and I need advice
Q-My marriage of 15 years recently ended in divorce. It’s been a year and I am ready to start dating again, but it just feels uncomfortable for me. Can you give me any advice on this?
A-When a long marriage ends in divorce or you are suddenly widowed, both men and women often feel awkward, shy, and even fearful of having to reinstate dating. Many newly widowed experience a sense of guilt or betrayal concerning their former mate when contemplating companionship again. How can we overcome all these anxieties about our next chapter of life? l) First, find peace within yourself. Whatever the reason for sudden singleness, you need to deal with grief, anger, and find your equilibrium before you’re emotionally able to start a new chapter of life. Time and connecting with close friends to talk will help. Sometimes a couple of visits with a therapist give a different perspective. Most important is not becoming a hermit and dealing with the pain alone. In fact, instead of locking ourselves off from life, we should become more active; finding activities to connect with new friends and not be shy to ask for help, even friends we haven’t been in touch with will welcome us into their circle if we ask to be included. 2) Consider life as a new venture rather than a sad situation you have to endure. Realize that you are the main participant in creating a new exciting life. You are the star in your new life, an interesting, interested person. Expand the boundaries of what you know and who you know. The more you exude life and energy, the more others want into your life. Try something you’ve always been passionate about but couldn’t pursue; learn a new language, try swing dancing. Join a non-for-profit organization in medicine, the arts or education. Click on the www.encorepsteachers.org website and find out how thousands of others have established a new life by making a contribution. 3) Push the single connection. Singles know singles. The more people you meet, the greater your chances to find a new friend or new love. Explore single weekends, single hiking groups, singles that like cooking, etc. Nowadays there is no stigma in joining one of the many dating sites. There is a plethora of them on the Internet, or make a connection through singles or community newspapers or single clubs. Initiate a singles only party. Everybody pitches in with food and libations. It’s a fun way to meet. Get a group together for a movie or a scrabble night. Assemble your friends who would like to shed pounds but can’t do it alone. Start the communal meltdown. Weigh-in weekly, discuss what works, and feel good about yourself. Remember, walking, swimming, all physical exercise improves your appearance and frees your inner energy, including sexual energy. 4) Ready for dating? Don’t take it too seriously even if some dates turn out to be duds. Dates are like movies; some have potential, some end in friendships rather than romance, some are awful but give you something to laugh about. And some are dreamy and may lead to happy endings. If your expectations are realistic, dating can be fun. Enjoy the encounter. Don’t rush things because you feel lonely or needy. Singleness is not an interim state between togetherness. It’s a great time to reconnect with yourself and construct a wonderful new future.
 
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