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Retirement

2003-05-01 14:10:00

When is assisted living the answer?

:  Our mother does not yet need any help to perform any of the "activities of daily living" (i.e. eating, bathing, dressing, toileting, mobility, ambulation or continence). We feel however that she needs things like companionship and someone to watch her to be sure she is okay. How do we know when assisted living would be the answer? Do we have to wait until some illness, affliction or injury occurs?

Bill Ward Question:  Our mother does not yet need any help to perform any of the "activities of daily living" (i.e. eating, bathing, dressing, toileting, mobility, ambulation or continence). We feel however that she needs things like companionship and someone to watch her to be sure she is okay. How do we know when assisted living would be the answer? Do we have to wait until some illness, affliction or injury occurs?Answer:  It is best to be planning and discussing a move into assisted living before a crisis occurs. Assisted living is for people who need assistance whether on an occasional or daily basis. Several levels of care are available based on an initial and subsequent assessments of the resident to determine the appropriate level of assistance. However, in your mother's case, assisted living may not be the right answer at this time.      To preserve her independence, provide help nearby if she needs it, and provide opportunities for companionship and social interaction, what you may want to look for is a continuing care retirement community (CCRC). This would allow your mother to have an independent living apartment, duplex or cottage with the availability of a greater degree of services or higher levels of care as the need may arise. She could enjoy the companionship of other residents and have the choice of eating in the dining room whenever she desired. Many CCRCs include one meal a day in the monthly fees. The difficulty of this choice is that often parents don't want to leave their home where so many memories have been created. On the upside, your mother would not have to worry about home maintenance or even housekeeping tasks, depending on the particular community and arrangements that are made when she moves in.     She will gain more time to pursue hobbies, flexibility if she likes to travel or wants to spend a period of time with family members who are some distance away, opportunities to make new friends and get involved with various activities. You will have greater peace of mind knowing that help is just a call button away and that people are around who will notice if something seems amiss.     Her living space options will be largely dependent upon budget considerations. Some communities offer a monthly rental option in addition to deposit plans that allow for lower monthly fees.Knowing what the options are in your area or your mother's location will help you discuss with her what's available. There are many positive changes that come with retirement community living and usually there are a number of communities from which to choose. Often, the best choices have a waiting list, so it's prudent to make a selection and take the steps necessary to be on the list. In this way, you will have a plan in place in the event the move becomes a necessity rather than an option. As with any decision of this nature, you and your mother should tour available retirement living communities and see which one(s) "fit her lifestyle and budget. Once a decision is made on where she would like to live, complete the required paperwork, make the deposit (if any), and get an estimated timeline on when she would move in.     Depending on the size of the residence she chooses, there may be a need for distributing items to family members or having a moving sale to reduce the amount of furnishings, collections and memorabilia that needs to be stored. Many CCRCs have move-in counselors or coordinators who can assist in this process from suggesting moving companies through explaining services to help facilitate a move. It is much easier to deal with this facet of a move when your mother can be an active participant and direct what is happening.     Perhaps the most difficult task you face is introducing your ideas and concerns to your mother. As adult children we often find it hard to talk with our parents about moving out of a long-time home. Keep in mind that the old images we often harbor of "nursing homes" are fast becoming a thing of the past. You'll find that choices your mother will have are varied, affordable, and very "livable." The best choice will provide a winning situation for all of you.