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Relationships
2005-02-01 11:24:00
Dealing with B.O. diplomatically
ANSWER: If you really care about him, you must learn to approach even the most sensitive subjects with your potential partner. If you simply repress sticky issues you cheat yourself and him. Nothing good can come when partners are not honest with each other about their true feelings. Eventually there is hell to pay. Or, if you lack the courage to do so and opt to drop the relationship, you may hurt both of you and your chance for potential happiness. Clear and continuous communication is the only basis of a good relationship, and that means dealing with pleasant as well as touchy subjects. There is a good possibility that your friend may have a medical problem. Often stomach or gum problems can cause a strong and almost continuous odor. You should also know that men and woman often exude a different odor during intimacy. Women specifically suffer from more pervasive odor problems during ovulation days and during menopause. So there are many things that cause unpleasant odors, even things we eat.Think about the following approach when bridging the issue.Suggest a leisurely walk some evening. The great outdoors will definitely make the odor issue less offensive. While you gander side by side, it may be easier for him to hear you rather than facing you eye to eye while discussing this sensitive subject. You might preamble the conversation by talking about your good feelings for him. Admit that you care about him and would enjoy exploring this relationship further. Share some important information about you such as telling him things that put great importance on both partners being truly open and forthcoming with each other and sharing your feelings in a real way, even those issues that might take courage to reveal. Resolving more sensitive problems correctly ends up strengthening a relationship and building intimacy between you. After you made your point of view clear, find out if he is in agreement with you or has different views. Let him participate in laying the groundwork for communication between you. Then admit that there is a little subject that's concerning you and that you would like to approach. Admit that you've noticed a rather strong odor and that you are concerned it could be a medical problem because you realize it is not at all a lack of good hygiene on his part. Tell him that you appreciate how neat and attractive he always looks and that he seems to take great care in his appearance. Explain to him that you don't want this little odor problem to interfere with your relationship and that's why you bring it up. Two things may happen. If he is truly caring about you and wants this relationship to go further, he will find a way to examine and solve the problem. If he clams up and feels offended or turned off, well then you have just learned a lot about him. If you can't get yourself to broach the issue, well then it becomes your problem, not his. Sooner or later, you will need to face your fears. Odor problems can be remedied. Emotional flaws take more resolve to admit and reverse.
