Hospice
2008-06-01 13:45:00
Anticipated grief?
Answer: MedicineNet.com defines anticipatory grief as the normal mourning that occurs when a patient or family is expecting a death.
This is a good but incomplete definition. People experience grief not only when a death occurs but as the result of many types of losses. For instance the loss of a home through foreclosure, the loss of a job, the loss of freedom and self-determination that occurs when a person is forced by health issues to move to a nursing facility, the loss of a child moving away from home, the loss of a spouse going off to war. Grief can occur in all of these and many more situations. Intensity and length of grief may change but, symptoms and stages of grief are much the same no matter the type of loss.
The symptoms and stages of anticipatory grief are also much the same as those which are experienced as a result of a loss. The one important difference is than in anticipatory grief the loss is foreseen but has not yet occurred.
Families of patients which have been given a terminal diagnosis and have begun to experience a decline have a high degree of certainty that death will occur and often times have anticipatory grief. However, some people experience anticipatory grief even though the loss is not certain, only a possibility.
Kristin Henderson in her excellent article in Military.com explains that many families of those deployed during wartime will go through the same symptoms of grief as those who are facing the certain death of a loved one by a terminal illness. Her article outlines the symptoms of anticipatory grief and gives coping methods on how to deal with this grief. Her suggestions are:
•Connect with others who are going through the same thing.
•Do things that make you feel close to your loved one
•Volunteer
•Remove the things in your life that make you feel worse
•Journal
•Feed your spiritual side
•Breathe
•Thought control
She writes a paragraph of explanation on each of these coping methods. Her complete article can be found at her website www.kristinhenderson.com
Some of the symptoms of anticipatory grief can be physical symptoms like, headaches, tightness in the throat or chest, sensitivity to loud noises, extreme hunger or loss of appetite, insomnia. Emotional symptoms may include denial, mood swings, forgetfulness, disorganized behavior, confusion, depression, feelings of being disconnected and alone.
Symptoms may begin and intensify or come suddenly and go away for a while. One person described it as being like a “glacier, massive and unstoppable, grinding you down.”
The real danger is that if you are going through anticipatory grief, you may try to ignore it and may even deny it exists. People around you also may not understand this grief. The same people who would comfort you after your loved one dies or after the crisis has passed may be upset or unsympathetic when you express anticipatory grief and tell you that you need to be strong for your family. Because of this, symptoms can even be amplified though buried.
The bottom line is that if you are experiencing this right now, do not be afraid, take action. Learn all you can about this grief. Give yourself permission to grieve. Surround yourself with friends who will listen and understand. Ignore those who tell you that you should not feel as you do. Talk to a counselor, pastor or doctor. Take good care of yourself physically. Find strength in your faith. Express love freely to others.
