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Charlie Traffas
Charlie Traffas has been involved in marketing, media, publishing and insurance for more than 40 years. In addition to being a fully-licensed life, health, property and casualty agent, he is also President and Owner of Chart Marketing, Inc. (CMI). CMI operates and markets several different products and services that help B2B and B2C businesses throughout the country create customers...profitably. You may contact Charlie by phone at (316) 721-9200, by e-mail at ctraffas@chartmarketing.com, or you may visit at www.chartmarketing.com.
Hospice
2009-04-01 14:39:00
Talking about death
Answer: This is a very common concern! It’s often a struggle to know what to say during difficult times and death is one of those difficult times. And so we stutter around, uncertain and uncomfortable; wanting to provide comfort, fearful of saying the wrong thing; and more often than not, not saying anything. There are some do’s and don’ts that I can share. The most important “don’t” is don’t use clichés such as ‘she lived a long life’ or ‘at least she’s not suffering anymore.’ We make statements such as these because we don’t know what else to say, but they don’t provide comfort. They only make the other person quit talking. There are many things we can do! If you find out a co-worker’s mother (or father) has died ask about them. You won’t upset your co-worker or make him depressed. Just say, “I didn’t know that. Tell me about your mom.” And then, listen. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, he won’t, but he will know that you cared enough to ask. If you have a friend that you know is grieving on Mother’s Day, call her and check in. Offer to go to lunch. Recognize that this might be a difficult day for her. If it’s too uncomfortable for you to even listen, know that sending a ‘thinking of you’ card is also comforting. Perhaps it’s your mother who has died. Again, recognize that this may be a difficult time. You will think of her. You may feel sad, depressed or cry. Allow yourself to feel any or all of these emotions. They are normal reactions to loss. They don’t mean you’re not coping well; only that grief ebbs and flows and that certain occasions will trigger a stronger reaction. Whether we are talking about a loved one, a friend or a co-worker, the most important thing we can do is listen. Listening brings healing, whether by you or grief support groups through organizations such as hospice. True support isn’t about ‘cheering someone up.’ It’s about being present; being willing to be silent, being willing to listen! Mary Beth Steiner RN, BSN, MED, is the director of Education for Hospice Care of Kansas and Hospice Care of the Midwest. She has extensive experience in facilitation and communication skills. Contact Mary Beth at 721-8803.
 
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