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Relationships

2009-05-01 11:45:00

Miles apart yet sharing the same bed

ANSWER: Faced with the probability of losing her partner, Nancy recognized that her love investment in her husband was still deeply meaningful to her. Years of missed communication and repressed feelings can deaden any relationship. Finally partners feel so far apart, they live under the same roof, share the same bed but have become emotional strangers. Can this gulf between them ever be overcome? A catharsis like the one Nancy experienced can provoke a reversal of the relationship. It is, however, a slow and difficult process often easier to achieve with the help of a professional marriage counselor. A turnaround can only happen if both partners are totally committed to rebuilding the relationship. Each must take responsibility for the behavior he or she contributed that caused the erosion of the relationship. Both partners must find the courage to let go of the accumulated anger toward the other and be able to forgive. Without a clean emotional slate, love and caring cannot blossom. Self evaluation and acceptance of responsibility of one’s own action is step one. Opening up to each other through frequent and caring communication is point two. Accusatory phrases like “you always” have no place in this process. Don’t look to the other to change, seek change in yourself. It is the only way that little by little friendship, trust and even loving can be reestablished. Sexual desire often follows. Finally, resolving Nancy’s sexual problems is also part of the solution. It is common for most women approaching menopause, going through it or being post it to experience multiple symptoms of change. As hormone levels, both estrogen and testosterone, diminish, there is less blood flow to the genital organs. The vaginal walls become thinner and the vaginal tissue is dryer. Many women experience discomfort and pain during intercourse, many feel a loss of sexual desire and enjoyment, due to the decline of hormones including the “libido” hormone testosterone. It declines about 50% between the ages of 20 to 45. Women therefore may need longer stimulation to reach climax. In many cases, orgasm can be less intense. When necessary vaginal moisture is not available caused by lack of estrogen, sexual activity can become so painful that women simply withdraw from intimacy. A gynecologist may advise a specific hormone prescription. For women wishing to avoid any hormone based products, there are effective non-hormonal products available sold over the counter; medical grade lubricants or vaginal moisturizers such as Very Private® are safe and very effective. They are FDA approved and allowed for intra-vaginal use which most common lubricants are not. They will eliminate vaginal dryness instantly to make love-making very comfortable and enjoyable again.