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Nadine Friesen
Nadine Friesen is bereavement coordinator for the Newton and McPherson offices of Hospice Care of Kansas where she provides grief support. She is a presenter for “Caring for the Caregiver” conferences offered in various communities in Kansas and was involved in developing the Hospice Care of Kansas children’s bereavement camp called “Healing Hearts”. She also brings years of experience in pastoral ministry. For more information contact Hospice Care of Kansas at (316) 721-8803 or toll free at 1-800-HOSPICE.
Hospice
2010-10-01 11:45:00
The many faces of remembering
Answer: Re-mem-ber - to retain in the memory; keep in mind; remain aware of. It seems we are always trying to remember something; the items on the grocery list we left at home, the appointment we missed last week or location of the cell phone. There are also people we don’t want to forget, particularly those who are no longer physically present with us because of death. Remembering is one of the best ways to continue to love. It is also true that remembering can wear many different faces and those faces sometime peek out at us when we least expect them. There is the face of sadness as we reflect on all that we miss since that person is gone. While we may want to avoid the sadness, facing and embracing it generally lessens rather than increases it. The face of regret may cause us to think of all the coulda/woulda/shoulda’s that can be part of any relationship. They may stem from our own lack of response or from what we felt we missed from the one who died. Remembering includes acknowledging the regrets when they exist but also recognizing the face of gratitude. Bringing to mind all the good things we loved and enjoyed about the one who has died; giving thanks for the positive and ongoing ways that their life has impacted our own. Remembering someone after a death often requires time for sorting through the memories. Time doesn’t heal all wounds but it does allow for clarification and new perspective. When sorted and processed, the most painful memories can fade and the best and most treasured can rise to the surface as the face of new perspective begins to show up more frequently. The face of hope is closely related. Hope that maybe life can have purpose and joy again. Hope that one has opportunity to encourage and live out the qualities of the one who died, and in so doing, keep their memory alive and their influence active. The word “remember” also means to know by heart. Those who have been a significant part of our lives are part of us forever. We remember, know and love them by heart and they continue to give us courage to face the future.
 
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