 | Jody Patterson is the director of COMCARE’s Children’s Services. Jody has been involved with children’s mental health programs and services for more than 18 years. She is dedicated to helping children live healthy and productive lives in the community. If you would like to speak confidentially to a professional about your child, call COMCARE Children’s Program at 316-660-7540. COMCARE of Sedgwick County is the licensed Community Mental Health Center for residents of Sedgwick County. Help is available. |
Health & Wellness
2011-06-01 10:02:00
Dealing with anger in children
Answer: Responding to a child’s anger can be puzzling, draining and distressing for adults and family members. In fact, one of the major problems in dealing with anger in children is the anger that gets stirred up in adults. It has been said that parents, teachers, counselors and administrators need to remind themselves that many adults were not taught how to deal with anger as a fact of life during childhood. Some adults were led to believe that to be angry was to be bad, and were often made to feel guilty for expressing anger.
Anger is a normal and healthy emotion that everyone experiences. Anger in children is often triggered by frustration. Children may not always grasp the complexities inherent in situations and feel helpless to solve those situations. Helpless and unable to verbalize their feelings, they commonly respond with anger.
The first step toward better management of children’s anger is to teach children that anger is normal, and it is acceptable to get angry at times. The task then becomes how to manage anger and channel it toward productive or at least acceptable outlets, and not deny or repress it.
It is important to remember that anger is not the same thing as aggression. Anger is a feeling, while aggression is a behavior. Anger is a temporary emotional state caused by frustration; aggression is often an attempt to hurt a person or to destroy property and is not an appropriate outlet for anger.
One of the most important things parents, teachers or other adults in a child’s life can do is help them respect themselves and others so they can be happy in the world. While it takes years of practice, it is a vital process that pays off. Teaching young children to manage anger and talk about feelings can prevent many angry outbursts in teenage years, in adult relationships, and eventually in their own relationships with their children.
The next time your child displays anger:
•Help him calm down and refocus.
Tell him to take a deep breath
and count to 10. If he is still
angry, ask him to count further or
count backward from 10 to one.
•Give him alternatives to anger. If
a school assignment is too
difficult, don’t get angry; get help
from a parent or teacher.
•Get a hug or give one when you
feel angry.
•Sometimes children can’t put their
anger into words. Give your child
some crayons or colored pencils
and let him put it on paper. Ask
him to draw a picture of what is
angering him.
•Go for a walk with him, treat him
to a pillow fight or ask him to go
outside and run around the house
five times fast and offer to talk
when he comes back in! Reward
your child with your attention
when he controls his anger and is
ready to talk.
Childhood anger only becomes problematic when it is suppressed or displayed in a violent, destructive or inappropriate way. Without a proper outlet, anger control issues may cause children to experience headaches, behavioral problems or stress-related illnesses.
A parent should be concerned when:
•Anger in the child becomes
severe; he tears up his books and
breaks things in the house.
•The child’s behavior poses a
danger to himself and others.
•Anger in the child is sustained,
lasting for an hour or more.
•Teachers have voiced concern
over the child’s anger and
resulting behaviors.
•The child has performed acts
of violence against others, such as
setting fires or torturing animals.
