 | Kevin Knaup received his Kansas Adult Care Home Administrator's license in 1983 and is the Administrator and part owner of Sunset Manor, Inc. in Frontenac, KS. He has been employed at Sunset Manor for 31 years. He is a member of Kansas Health Care Association and Kansas Adult Care Executives. He has served on various local and state committees for education and training in the Adult Care home field. |
Senior Living
2012-08-30 08:47:29
How can I help my mom let go of stuff?
A- Clutter is a problem for many people. Sometimes it becomes a problem because someone is unable to manage the circumstances physically. In other cases, the problem is connected to some emotion, such as sorrow or fear. The first step in helping your mom is to understand the reasons behind her actions.
There could be any number of reasons your mom is holding on to things, however, the foundation of any addictive behavior is fear. Your mom likely and understandably misses your dad and keeping the things connected to him helps her hold on to him in someway.
Rather than making cleaning her house the mission, help her connect to the things in life that offer support, strength, security, and friendship outside of stuff first. Help make sure she is involved in her church or other social groups, or to connect to some if she does not already have them. Take time to include her in your life in a significant way so she knows that she is still needed and has important connections.
Once your mom sees that you care about her and that life still holds a wealth of fulfillment, the focus is off of the stuff and on to finding other ways to soothe the loss. Chances are pretty good that you will be able to help her by taking one small step at a time. I would suggest starting small, like just cleaning up the mail, or helping her organize collectables, before actually throwing anything away.
Growing older is actually a time of accelerated change, and not all of it the kind to which people look forward. Every year sees the loss of friends and family, an increase in health problems, and monumental decisions about managing life. It is not easy. It is reasonable to expect that we develop coping mechanisms.
It is also equally hard to truly understand what elderly adults are going through. If you ever need help getting perspective on where your mom is at in life, feel free to drop by for coffee and a chat. We are here to help.
