This site is best viewed using Mozilla Firefox browser.

Relationships

2012-11-01 14:43:55

Love or financial security?

A- few months ago I met a lovely man. He is interesting, well educated, an architect by profession and a very caring companion. In other words, on the personal side I see nothing but positives. I am a little less sure about his professional life. His practice is small, he and his partner share the work, yet he seems to have a lot of time on his hands. I wonder if he can stand on his own two feet financially. Recently he has been hinting at moving in together. My home, which I inherited from my family, is substantially larger and more comfortable than his one bedroom condo, and therefore the logical place for us to live together. That part feels great. We spend every weekend together, get on extremely well and enjoy each other’s company. Yet there is an issue we never discussed that gives me concern. I have an uneasy sense that he expects me to take on a lot more financial responsibility once we move in together. I broached this subject gently and asked him recently what his professional and financial situation was? He told me that he was focused on “rebuilding his financial assets”. That got me thinking. I am in love with him, we are very happy together, yet I cannot afford to put my own financial life at risk. I feel terribly caught. What do you say? A: It’s a difficult question to answer. Yet one thing is for sure. The two of you need to lay all the cards on the table and discuss your financial assets and responsibilities. How can you even contemplate a life together without knowing what you can and cannot afford; what your assets are; but also your debts and obligations to others, including your children? Absolute transparency is required on both sides, and a thorough discussion regarding a combined budget is mandatory, so that financial surprises won’t trip you up in what looks like a promising future. The best reality check is a credit report, ask for it. Once you’ve established what a realistic combined budget looks like, once you have openly discussed how much each of you can contribute, you are in a position to evaluate your future plans based on reality, not wishful thinking. At the same time this financial review will reveal each partner’s true intention. Hopefully no negative revelations will surface. Love has a way of distorting our reality, even as we have substantial life experience. So let’s deal with the facts at hand first before jumping into big life changing decisions. Giving love a chance may be worth you pitching in a little more and gain the happiness you seek.