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Relationships

2012-11-19 10:21:31

How can I get my sex drive back?

A- “I just don’t feel sexy” is the common complaint that triggers the withdrawal from sexual activity in many relationships. In turn this then becomes the cause for serious estrangement between partners, or worse, devastating break-ups. The causes for loss of sexual desire are many and mostly hidden. Couples are hesitant to get the real truth. Today’s discussion will focus on the most frequent causes to help partners facing these issues before they get out of hand. Resetting the intimacy button is possible. It takes emotional courage and the willingness to be open and truthful with each other to identify the obstructive hurdles. Once you recognize that you have the ability to give your partner the most precious gift of all; real intimacy and better, more fulfilling sex, the ingredients for a loving life together are within your heart. What you need is a mutual commitment to wipe the negatives off your slate to start fresh. • Anti depression medications: Anti depressants and other drugs such as blood pressure medicines, antihistamines, chemo even some oral contraceptives can dampen your sex drive. Discuss your symptoms with your doctor. Similar brand may have less or no side effects. • Low hormone levels: Low estrogen levels in women causing vaginal dryness make intimacy uncomfortable, even painful. Often this is why women avoid sexuality. An FDA approved vaginal lube/moisturizer can solve the problem instantly. Low testosterone levels in men can also affect libido. Your doctor can advise you. • Anger and unresolved issues: Nothing kills a person’s sex drive more than built up resentment. For most women it is important to feel emotionally close to feel sexy. Poor communication or betrayal of trust destroys sexual desire. • Poor communication: Wanting to reconnect must come from your heart and your words to express how good you feel about each other. Otherwise you may never know. If poor communication has driven you apart, start with an open, honest and caring talk. No matter how busy, give each other ten good minutes every day. Open up to each other. Ground rules: no accusations, no competition, no words like “you always” etc. Reveal your feelings, listen without interrupting. You may find that the hurt you’ve accumulated is lifting, the anger subsiding, and sentiments of love and desire coming back naturally. • Body Image: You’ve gained too much weight and hate to look in the mirror. Your self esteem is low. How can you feel sexy when you’re uncomfortable with your own body? You own the solution: Exercise and a healthy diet you can stick with can give you back the body you both admire and desire. • Stress: Worrying about money, your job or family issues often depress desire. While such problems are not easily resolved, the stress they cause can be reduced. Exercise, long walks or trying known stress reduction techniques such as yoga, breathing exercises, and meditation – help a lot and cost nothing. Sometimes just snuggling and hugging works wonders. • Absolute no-no’s: A glass or two of wine can stimulate desire but too much alcohol or regular smoking has the opposite effect. • Forgetting Intimacy: Remember kissing, stroking, being affectionate to rekindle the flames. Sex is about giving each other pleasure, not just by good foreplay and sexual technique but by being in each other’s lives daily, making your partner feel wanted.