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Family Counseling

Connie Zienkewicz

2006-06-01 10:04:00

Question: I am the parent of a child with special needs who has an Individualized Education Program (IEP) at school.  I heard the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act was recently reauthorized.  Have there been changes to the IEP process?

ANSWER: The Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act of 2004, enacted by Congress and signed by President Bush in December 2004, includes significant changes to the Individualized Education Program (IEP) process.  Here are some highlights of IDEA 2004 related to IEPs.Components of the IEP:Present levels of academic achievement and functional performance – including how the disability affects involvement and progress in the general education curriculum.  This section would include the child’s strengths, parental concerns, evaluation results, and the academic, developmental and functional needs of the child.Measurable Annual Goals – including academic and functional goals designed to meet the child’s needs that result from the child’s disability to enable the child to be involved in and make progress in the general education curriculum and meet other education needs related to the disability.  Description of Progress – includes how this will be measured and when parents will receive periodic reports on progress toward reaching annual goals (such as through the use of quarterly or other periodic reports concurrent with the issuance of report cards).Statement of Special Education; Related Services; Supplementary Aids and Services; Program Modifications; and/or Supports for School Personnel – that are based on peer-reviewed research.  These services should help the child advance appropriately toward attaining the annual goals; be involved in and make progress in the general education curriculum and participate in extracurricular and other nonacademic activities.Least Restrictive Environment – a statement of the extent, if any, the child will not participate with nondisabled children in the regular class and other activities.Accommodations on State and District-wide Assessments – any necessary individual appropriate accommodations required to measure academic achievement and functional performance on these tests.  If the IEP Team determines the child should take an alternate assessment, why the child cannot participate and the appropriate alternate assessment to be used.Specifics about Services and Modifications – including projected dates for beginning and the anticipated frequency, location and duration of the services and modifications.Transition Plan – to include appropriate measurable post-secondary goals based upon age appropriate transition assessments related to training, education, employment, and where appropriate, independent living skills.  The plan should specify transition services (including courses of study) needed to assist the child in reaching transition goals.  Note:  Although federal law now requires transition planning to begin no later than age 16, Kansas law requires transition planning to begin no later than age 14.There have also been notable changes regarding IEP meeting attendance, team member participation and modifications to the IEP itself.  For more information about the IDEA 2004, contact a Families Together, Inc. parent information specialist at 945-7747 or visit our website at http://www.familiestogetherinc.org/.

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Family Counseling

Connie Zienkewicz

2006-06-01 09:41:00

Question: I am a parent of a child with autism and ADHD and my spouse is in the military.  My husband and I feel like we do not have any other parents who understand the difficulties of parenting our child.  Is there any resource in this community?

ANSWER: Sometimes raising a child with a disability can be very lonely, especially if you have no friends who understand your unique challenges and the joys.  When the added stress of changes in duty station and deployments are factored into the equation, it’s often overwhelming.  Here are two suggestions:How about a night away to meet other parents who face similar challenges and celebrate similar joys?  On June 24-25, Families Together, Inc. is presenting a conference just for Military families who have a son or a daughter with disabilities.  This PARENTS – ONLY weekend event will be held in Topeka.  It is free to parents and includes a voucher to assist with the cost of  childcare expenses.  This event will give families an opportunity to meet and network with other families, introduce them to community resources, and give training on accessing educational services.  Registration is limited, so you will need to call right away.  (1-800-264-6343)Would you like to talk to someone who understands your situation?  The Parent-to-Parent program might also be helpful to you and/or your husband.  In this program, you would be matched with another parent who has a child with a similar disability.  These matches are very informal and are designed to give moral support. Families Together, Inc. is a non-profit organization which serves families all across the state who have children with disabilities.  There are four locations, including one in Wichita.  Families Together provides conferences and workshops, as well as, individual consultation about special education and other services in the community.  You can contact us at the numbers below or through our website at www.familiestogetherinc.org.  All the individual services offered by the organization are provided at no cost to parents.  A parent information specialist in Wichita can be reached at 945-7747.

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Family Counseling

Gilbert Lietz

2003-05-01 11:00:00

:  The world needs help.  We're just wrapping up a war.  The economy stinks.  Our balance of trade and national debt is way out of control.  There seems to be as much apathy about the future as there is unemployment today.  Where does one start to put it all back together?

ANSWER:  Wouldn't it be great to have an answer to a question like this?  I'm not sure anyone does, but I am reminded of answers Will Rogers used to give.  He would start out by saying… "all I know is what I read in the papers"… then he would go on and give an answer that was so simple and made so much sense… you wonder why everyone didn't come up with it.     A few days ago I came across an ad promoting National Family Recreation Week.  It's coming up June 1st through June 7th.  Along with the ad was a short, little poem written by Amanda Reinsfelder entitled 'Family'.  I am not familiar with her but the poem she authored started me thinking about some of the things you've asked.  I'm going to submit to you that the answer… although complicated… may not be that complicated.  Using ol' Will's approach… perhaps the answer to solving bigger puzzles is solving smaller ones first.  Continents, countries and governments are awfully big… but they are all alike in that they are made up of smaller units… the family.  I have to believe that a family that plays together and prays together and keeps on communicating in the fun times will keep on communicating in the not-so-fun times.  This ‘being able to communicate’ regardless of the situation may just be an integral part of putting things back together.  Here's her poem: Family - By Amanda Reinsfelder

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Family Counseling

Scott Spradlin

2003-04-01 12:15:00

:  I'm a born leader, a take-charge type of person. If I see something that needs to be done at work, I get right on it. My problem is that I expect my co-workers to be the same way. Some co-workers call me bossy, pushy, or aggressive. How can I earn their support without holding back on a trait that comes natural to me?

ANSWER:  First of all, there is nothing wrong being a born leader who is a take-charge kind of person.  And your ability to get right on things to make sure they get done is surely a strength that you possess.  Next, your expectation that others should do things your way is very normal.  It's natural for people to see things from their point of view and tend to expect others to share their point of view, skills and style.  If there is a defect in your expectation it's that it's ineffective for you and your relationships with your co-workers. The good news is, I think you can gain their support and respect without surrendering your style or your strengths.  While there are people among us, you happen to be one, who are task driven.  Others need to have a sense of connection to their co-workers to connect to their work.  You also have to account for your emotions and theirs.  Task driven people can push aside personal feelings while focusing on their tasks, and of course expect others to do the same, but people vary in their emotional sensitivities.  Try these following steps.Tolerate the differences.  The differences exist whether you tolerate them or not.  Since this is part of the office reality, accept it.  By accept I don't mean approve.  You don't have to approve of styles or behaviors simply because you accept them.  It means that you see things the way they are, and rather than berate them or yourself, just "see them" letting go of any judgments about them that you might have, especially if these judgments only frustrate you.  You're not letting them off the hook you're letting yourself off the hook of needless pain.Challenge your automatic thoughts.  What is the first thought that comes to mind when your co-workers do things that bug you?  Are there thoughts like, "what idiots," or "their stupid or lazy"?  These thoughts may not be in your awareness, but you can practice paying attention to what your reactive, or automatic thoughts are, and notice how strongly you believe them.  Thoughts mediate how you feel.  Thinking your co-worker is an idiot will make you more prone to frustration, triggering words you regret saying or behaviors you wish you never did.  When you notice your negative beliefs about your co-workers, challenge them with other thoughts by saying to yourself, "That's not the way I do things, maybe they’re on to something," or "He's not an idiot, he's doing the best that he can," or "Why should I expect everyone to do things the way I do things?  Where is that written in the cosmic rule book?"  Validate your co-workers.  Your co-workers can't possibly do everything wrong or inefficiently.  Give them kudos when they do something well or propose a good idea.  Don't validate mistakes or shortcomings and don't tell people how angelic they are, that wouldn't be genuine.  Just validate what's valid.  Also, if a co-worker is having a bad day, or seems bent out of shape, tell them that you notice that and ask if there is any thing you can do to help them get through the day.  This is very validating.  It shows that you care about them as people, and not as machines.  You will find that they warm up to you, maybe even increase their productivity and ask you for suggestions on how to do things.Accept feedback graciously.  If you are hearing that you're pushy, just take it in non-defensively.  Be open even when it hurts.  Tell them that you appreciate the feedback and that you're trying to change your approach, and if you are pushy again, give them permission to tell you.  Balance that with also asking them to be patient with you, since this is a new practice and you might fall into old habits.  And if you do fall into old habits, just notice that, don't get bent out of shape, and go back to practicing your new relationship skills.There are many other strategies you could use, but this is enough for now.  Don't expect that you will change immediately, and don't expect your co-workers to believe your efforts at first.  They have come to know you in a particular way, and it will take them a while to get used to the new you.  Be compassionate with them and yourself.  Apply your tenacity, and practice, practice, practice.

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Family Counseling

Scott Spradlin

2003-03-01 12:24:00

:  After my 21-year-old daughter attempted suicide several months ago as a result of a young romance gone badly, a member of the hospital staff asked us, "Has your daughter tried to harm herself in the past by self-mutilation?"  She has suffered unexplained cuts and bruises, but denies that they were self-inflicted.  What does all this mean?

ANSWER:  This is a very good question.  It's always shocking to family members when one of their family tries to attempt suicide and may be engaging in self-harm behaviors.  So first of all let me say, that it's normal to feel disoriented by all of this.  And your daughter is indeed harming herself, it's understandable that she wouldn't admit that this is the case since she is most likely aware that most people don't consider this normal behavior, and so she might cover this up to avoid shame or being stigmatized by others.As for the unexplained bruises and cuts, they well could be the result of self-harm, or what mental health practitioners refer to as parasuicidal behaviors.  There is a small number of people in the US population who engage in these behaviors, and women or girls are more likely to engage in this kind of behavior than are their male counterparts. And It's common to see self-harm behaviors among those who attempt suicide, and vice-versa, not always but quite frequently.Self-harm is frequently associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), but your daughter's behaviors, if it is self-harm, do necessarily mean that she meets the full diagnostic criteria for this disorder.  To find out would require a professional evaluation in order to make any diagnosis.  Self-harm is sometimes seen in people who fall in the broad category of Impulse Control Disorders.  Some researchers are arguing for a new diagnosis for people who self-injure, repetitive self-injury, but who otherwise don't show enough symptoms of BPD or another disorder.There's a number of ways that people who self-harm do self-harm.  Some people pull their own hair, others hit themselves with their own fists or objects such as walls, while others might self-injure by burning or cutting themselves.  And now for the why?  People who engage in self-harm usually do this as a way to control or regulate overpowering emotions, especially negative emotion states such as distress, sadness, anger or anxiety.  There is a function within the dysfunction, so to speak.  Self-harm behaviors are usually effective for them to distract themselves from their overpowering emotions, to reorient their attention to a single point, where the pain is, and there is usually a following sense of relief or calm immediately following self-harm.   This sense of relief and calm serves as a reinforcer that will strengthen the likelihood that behavior will happen again, unless the self-harming person learns alternate skills that give the same effect of emotional control.  You might want to talk to your daughter about seeking professional help for this problem.  Try to approach her with as much understanding as you can muster.  Be sensitive to the embarrassment she might feel in talking about it at all.  Explain to her that you are concerned, that you don't understand what's going on for her, and that you think getting an expert involved is the best thing for her and the whole family.  In fact, you will want to consider being part of the treatment process so that you can learn how to be supportive of her attempts to learn coping skills in a manner that is more informed and truly helpful to her in overcoming this problem.  On this note, I recommend that you seek out a therapist who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, and be sure to ask your prospective therapist if they have treated this problem, and ask what kind of training they have in treating this particular problem.  Even if she is not willing to seek help at this time, counseling and education for the rest of the family may still prove effective as you can learn how to cope as a family and perhaps over time she will see these efforts to genuinely understand her and warm up to the prospect of beginning treatment