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Final Arrangements

Bob Phifer

2003-09-01 10:08:00

: My elderly parents have purchased a recreational vehicle and plan on traveling across country.  While they have already made pre-arranged plans with a local mortuary in event of their deaths, is there something more we should do in the event that one of them passes away while they are traveling out of state?   

ANSWER: Should a death occur away from home, out of state, or out of the country, once the appropriate authorities where you are have been notified, you should immediately contact your funeral home where you reside.  Your hometown funeral director will guide and coordinate all the necessary details with the authorities where you are.  Your funeral director will contact a funeral establishment or shipping service and assume the responsibility of returning the deceased back home. It is extremely important, from a cost perspective, to entrust your hometown funeral director with these tasks, as a family could become susceptible to “overpaying” for the same services your hometown funeral director can arrange for you.   With regard to returning home, in some circumstances, overland transportation of the deceased may be less costly than air transportation.  Again, your hometown funeral director will recommend the appropriate manner.  Should air transporation be required, it is not necessary that a family member travel with the deceased.  Some airlines do provide a special “escort fare” for the return journey.  Your hometown funeral director can even work with the various airlines to determine the most efficient fare available.  Several airlines also offer special “bereavement fare” for family to travel for funeral services and arrangements.  Check with your hometown funeral director for availability and requirements.  In some rare instances it may be necessary to require “air hearse” service, as the location of death may be remote in nature.  In this case, your hometown funeral director will arrange for transportation back home by way of private smaller aircraft from a company that can provide this service.   Many retired persons are traveling extensively today.  Your hometown funeral director may offer special prearrangement services that can provide coverage for all or part of the expenses involved with returning a loved one who has died away from home.  The cost is reasonable considering these expenses could total anywhere from $900 to $2,000 in additional expenses depending on the circumstances of the death.  Check with your hometown funeral director for availability and details.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2003-08-01 13:57:00

: Can a function less formal than a funeral or memorial service be arranged?

Tom Morris Question: Can a function less formal than a funeral or memorial service be arranged?Answer: The formality of a funeral or memorial service is often dictated by the religious background of the deceased or the deceased’s family. If a member of the clergy is to be involved in the funeral service, religious doctrine may stipulate how formal or informal the actual service may be. This doesn’t mean the service cannot be personalized through the use of music, printing of service folders, eulogists, or even a table of memorabilia displayed at the service. The basic rule of thumb is to talk to the clergy about the type of service you think is most appropriate and meaningful for the family and friends of the deceased. If you do this, the clergy will typically be more than willing to help you achieve your goals.

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Final Arrangements

Bob Phifer

2003-08-01 11:28:00

: What does a funeral director do?  

ANSWER: The proper responsibilities and duties of the licensed funeral director are many and varied.  Along with the legal responsibilities required with a death, the licensed funeral director is most importantly charged with a moral and ethical trust placed with him or her by the family of the deceased.  Therefore, the funeral director must be qualified and willing to provide empathetic support and guidance to all who request his or her service regardless of circumstance.  In other words the "true funeral professional" must help "shoulder the burden" of a loss to death.  That being said, let us look at the varying tasks and physical duties provided by a licensed funeral director from the time he or she is notified that a death has occurred.    It has been proven that over 100 individual tasks must be arranged for and in place within usually a brief period of time in order for a "traditional funeral service" to take place.  For this reason, the licensed funeral director must be an organizational coordinator, in essence, an event planner.   The following is a condensed list of important duties of a licensed funeral director:   The removal and transfer of the deceased from the place of death to the funeral home (24 hours a day).     Professional care and custody of the body of the deceased, which may include sanitary cleansing, embalming with permission, restorative art, dressing, hairdressing, cosmetology and casketing.   Conduct and direct a complete consultation with appropriate family members to gather necessary information regarding the deceased and properly discuss specific arrangements for a funeral or other disposition.     Complete and file all legal documents, death certificates, permits, affidavits and authorizations as required by law.   Assist family in filing for death benefits from insurance carriers, Veteran's Administration and other agencies.   Arrange and coordinate clergy, musicians, cemetery or cremation service, floral service, visitation and viewing requests, transportation, funeral escorts, etc.   As mentioned, this is a condensed list.  To provide the service involved with a typical funeral service, from the notification of the death through the ceremony at the cemetery, the funeral director and his or her staff will expend over 200 man hours in planning, preparation, directing and conduction of the funeral service.   The professional licensed funeral director's duties should not end with the conclusion of the funeral.  A trained and qualified after-care specialist is especially helpful providing guidance and advice to families in facing the adjustments forced upon them by the death of a husband, wife, mother, father or child.  In addition to the duties and tasks outlined, the licensed funeral director must also provide accurate and truthful information to the public concerning prearrangement or prepayment of funeral and death care plans or expenses.

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Final Arrangements

Bob Phifer

2003-07-01 16:09:00

:  What happens if I don't leave written instructions about my preferences for final arrangements?  What details should be included if I was to write a document?

ANSWER: Making one's wishes known concerning final funeral arrangements is important to help assure you that those wishes are followed. More important, however, is the manner in which you provide these instructions.   An oddity in state statutes as they stand today concerning just who has ultimate authority to provide authorization and direction for final arrangements is basically based upon "Old English Law"; that is, at death our body becomes property of our next of kin. Because of this, pre-planning for final arrangements needs to be done correctly and in concert with your family or with a properly executed "Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Decisions" with authority to direct disposition of the body.   This means that without the properly executed Durable Power of Attorney, which appoints a specific person to provide authorization, your family has ultimate control over providing final instructions. This authority is decreasing in the order of lineage as defined by statute. The spouse has primary authority, followed by all children, all grandchildren, parents, all brothers or sisters, etc.   Essentially, because of this, even if we have on our own, pre-planned and pre-paid for final expenses, there is no absolute guarantee that those plans will be followed. If for example, our spouse disagrees and there is no Power of Attorney executed giving this authority to someone else. This can become especially complicated when a spouse may have previously died and several children that survive cannot come to mutual agreement with final arrangements.   Some people have mentioned that their wishes are outlined in a will. A will is the worst instrument in which to provide final arrangement requests. The will is not a valid legal document until probated, and as you are probably aware of, probate in some instances, can take a great amount of time.   When preplanning or prepaying funeral arrangements, I always recommend the entire immediate family be involved. Many times I have had someone individually inquire about final arrangements after learning of a dire health prognosis, the purpose of which is to "save my wife from having to make these decisions". The fallacy of this, of course, is as mentioned before, the spouse will at sometime have to make these decisions anyway.   Strangely enough, these statutes also apply to the process of organ donation at death. For example, "checking" the donor consent on our driver's license does not guarantee our desire to allow organ retrieval after death. Our next of kin will be required to authorize the donation, before any procedure would be initiated.   Currently in the state legislature there are some measures being considered, that will by statute, provide an individual with greater authority and assurance that one's wishes after death will be followed. As to when or if this will eventually transpire is anyone's guess. Until then, follow the methods previously mentioned.   With all this in mind, if you are leaving instructions as to your funeral plans, you may want to think about whether you seek a simple service or one that is very detailed, whether it is to be a graveside service only or whether you want a service at a church or a mortuary chapel, do you desire cremation? You might want to include specific poems or scripture, music preferences, flowers and other details, Keep in mind that your family will want to have input whether they want to talk to you about this or not. Call a family owned funeral home. They can provide you, at no obligation, with booklets that will help you and your family get started with the planning process.

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Final Arrangements

Bob Phifer

2003-06-01 10:13:00

:  What are some of the different funeral & burial customs throughout history? 

ANSWER:  Funeral customs, the burial of the dead, throughout the ages, may have varied greatly, but with one exception. Almost universally the funeral process was one performed with sanctity, dignity and reverence. The body was in some manner specially prepared for burial or cremation, that is, it was usually cleansed, dressed or adorned, anointed or blessed. Likewise the accompanying rites were either spiritual or religious, even in prehistoric times. Almost without exception the actual places of "burial" were considered and looked upon as special or sacred.       Look to the "Andes Mummies" found recently high in the mountains of Peru. These dead were lovingly placed in a remote location, dressed in ceremonial attire, surrounded by precious trappings of normal life, items such as jewelry, pottery, dolls and figurines and the like. The 'mummification process" was probably the result of environmental factors rather than embalming, but it is assumed the body was topically anointed in some manner.  Even in cultures where cremation is the primary method of final disposition, the body of the deceased is, prior to cremation, lovingly cared for and prepared for the funeral process. The cremated body is placed or scattered in a holy or sacred  occasion, the Ganges River, a temple or necropolis for example.  In American history, prior to the Civil War, the funeral process was very much a family task. In early rural America, the women in the family generally prepared the body for burial, bathed and dressed, while the men prepared a coffin or container to house the deceased and prepared the grave site. The grave was almost always in an accessible section of their homestead, "set aside" for a family cemetery.  In cities and towns, "undertakers" could be found. They, however, were normally cabinet or furniture makers who were asked by the family to "undertake" the task of building a coffin. The body continued to be in the home under the care of the family until burial. Cemeteries were generally on the outskirts of the city or town usually at a location of higher elevation (Boot Hill, Dodge City, KS or Highland Cemetery, Wichita, KS) or on church property. As time went by, it is easy to understand how most modern funeral homes or mortuaries where started by the town furniture maker.  The Civil War brought with it a new dimension to the funeral. There became a need and desire for families to return their deceased husbands, fathers, sons and brothers home for proper funeral and burial rites. The art and practice of embalming began being perfected. The primary purpose then as now for embalming is not however, for the long term preservation of the body, but rather a process of sanitation, which provided a period of time for transportation and funeral arrangements to be performed, Thus the health and safety of the public was and is the primary goal, with short-term preservation being a result.  With the perfection of the embalming process the "modem funeral" began to evolve. Funeral "homes or parlors" came into being, replacing the custom of the deceased staying at home "laid out in the parlor" for wakes and visitations.    Because of embalming, It was now possible to allow extended family and friends time, within reason, to travel to the funeral ceremony. It was now possible for the funeral to become more of a community endeavor.  The funeral today continues to evolve. There are no longer many family cemeteries. Most are now municipally or corporately operated and are on perpetually dedicated ground. The continuing acceptance of cremation offers different, more non-traditional methods of memorialization and disposition of the cremated body.    Regardless, today just as in ages past, at the death of a loved one or friend, we as humans feel the need to mourn, share and recognize a life lived in an appropriate and dignified manner. "The funeral helps confirm the reality and finality of death, provides a climate for mourning and the expression of grief, allows the sorrows of one to become the sorrows of many. It is one of the few times love is given and not expected in return, is a vehicle for the community to pay its respects, encourages the affirmation of religious faith and Is a declaration that a life has been lived as well as a sociological statement that a death has occurred," From "The Funeral From Ancient Egypt to Present Day America"

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Final Arrangements

Bob Phifer

2003-05-01 14:10:00

:   I am trying to help my grandparents with some pre-planning.  They are very much traditional Hispanics.  What are some of the things that can be done in a service to pay tribute to the deceased's culture?

ANSWER:  As with any funeral or memorial service, the service itself should be a reflection of the life of the deceased.  It is not uncommon today to witness very personalized funeral rites.  This personalization is not necessarily restricted to culture.  A loved one’s hobbies, interests, social involvement in the community and family life can easily be represented by way of mementos, photographs, awards and accomplishments being displayed during visitation periods, memorial gatherings and the funeral itself.  The funeral in the Hispanic culture tends to be very traditional in nature.  It is common in the Hispanic community for large gatherings to take place at the funeral home prior to the day of the funeral, for the purpose of sharing, prayers, support and socialization.  With this, a large portion of the Hispanic community becomes more involved in the funeral process.  During this time, relevant cultural artifacts can be displayed and/or cultural music can be tastefully played in the background.  Grandmother may have made a special ethnic comforter or family heirloom; Grandfather may have his favorite ethnic clothes to wear.  Printed materials for the funeral may be printed in Spanish if desired.  Culturally inspired funeral merchandise is available at many funeral homes.  By utilizing these items, the gathering, visitation or wake will have a certain cultural “air” about it.       After this, should the funeral service be in the church, there might be some limitations, due to church policy or custom, as to what can or cannot be done within the church.  It is best to talk before hand with the clergy person who will be asked to perform the funeral ceremony.     Be assured, a professional and licensed funeral director will guide you through the necessary steps in making decisions for the tribute to the life of your loved ones.

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Final Arrangements

Bob Phifer

2003-04-01 12:22:00

:  What percentage of people use cremation today versus a traditional arrangement?  Are there any perceptual differences between a service that involves a cremation and a traditional service?

ANSWER:  In recent years there has been a steady, if somewhat gradual rise, in the number of cremations performed in Kansas, Today, in our state, approximately 17% of all deaths result in the option of cremation. This compares with other areas of the country, where the cremation rate can be well over 50%.Recent studies have revealed that cost is not the primary reason families may opt for cremation; rather, changing social, philosophical and religious factors have made the choice more acceptable.Cremation in merely an alternative choice for the final disposition of the body of the deceased. The fact that cremation may be chosen should not deny the choice for memorialization of the deceased, as has been tradition, with some form of ceremony or rite of passage. Nor should it prohibit permanent memorialization of the cremated remains, such as interment, entombment or other more personal means.Funeral and/or memorial services for those choosing cremation can vary from the very elaborate to the very simple and personal. A growing number of families choosing cremation continue to view cremation in a truly "traditional" sense. This could be by choosing a viewing / visitation period with or without a formal ceremony, but afterwards the body is cremated, rather that taken for traditional ground burial or entombment. Funeral homes providing cremation services and options have cremation specific products available; i.e., cremation caskets and ceremonial caskets, at reasonable costs, which allows a family this choice.Others may choose a different approach. This may be to perform the cremation as soon as legally possible after the death has occurred, then afterwards, follow with a memorial service or gathering. In this instance the body is not present, but most families do wish the "urn" to be. A memorial service maybe a very simple gathering of remembrance among family and close friends, or a formal religious ceremony or rile, just as with a non- cremation funeral, or as with anything else, something in between.It is recommended that personalization be a part of any memorial or funeral service.  Pictures, music, keepsakes and remembrances can be utilized to make this a meaningful experience.Remember, there is not a right way or a wrong way, unless one is limited by religious guidelines or practices, of planning one's wishes at death. Ceremonies, rites or gatherings should be respectful, mindful and reflective of the individual and the  survivors. For this reason it is recommended families communicate their thoughts and ideas as to what will be appropriate and meaningful.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2002-11-01 15:38:00

: Why are funerals so expensive?

ANSWER:  Everyone has a different definition of what is expensive and what is reasonable. A funeral home is just like any other business; if it does not cover its expenses and make a reasonable profit, it can't keep its doors open to serve the public. The funeral business is different than many other businesses in that most are open seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, and have staff available 24 hours a day. When many establishments are closed for a holiday, you will generally still find staff members at a mortuary because, as the saying goes, "death knows no holiday."Federated Funeral Directors of America (FFDA) is an accounting firm that is employed by nearly 1,500 privately owned funeral firms in 44 states. In a statistical analysis of approximately 200,000 funeral records processed through its office, FFDA determined that the average price for a regular adult funeral with a casket in 2001 was $5,046.65. In addition to this price, there are also cemetery-related expenses and cash advanced items such as flowers, clergy and musician honorariums, newspaper charges and sales taxes that also may be on the funeral bill.  It is not in the consumer's or the funeral home's interest for a family to spend more than they can afford on a funeral. If funds are limited, make the funeral director aware of this fact so that he or she can help you stay within your budget.Talking with a funeral home before the need arises can help you budget for the expense. Most funeral homes have prearranged funeral plans available that will allow you to make payments on a funeral contract.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2002-08-01 10:47:00

: What are your thoughts on children attending funerals?

Tom Morris Question: What are your thoughts on children attending funerals?Answer: Just like adults, children also grieve when someone close to them dies. Children can benefit greatly by attending the funeral service and by being included in the planning of the funeral ceremony. No one wants to lose someone they love, but when death does occur, the funeral can be a chance for children to learn about both the joy and the pain that come from caring deeply for other people.How adults respond to the death of a loved one will have a major effect on how children will react to the death. Sometimes adults don't want to talk about the death, assuming that by doing so, children will be spared some of the pain and sadness. But the simple fact is children will grieve anyway. It's best for adults to talk openly about the death and to help children understand that grief is a natural feeling when someone they loved has died. When ignored, children may suffer more from the feeling of isolation than from the actual death itself.Determining what to tell a child about a death will require listening to their questions very closely. Their questions will usually indicate the amount and level of information they want to know. In regards to younger children, the best and most basic way to explain death to them is to say, "The body stopped working." Children have a literal, concrete style of thinking. Avoid comparing death with sleeping. This can cause an enormous fear of the dark and a fear of going to sleep at night.One of the greatest regrets of many adults is that they were not allowed to go to the funeral of a grandparent or other relative because they were "too young." There is a strong sense of having missed an important family event. Children will generally do fine at a funeral if the adults are comfortable having them there. Explain to the child what they will see at the funeral and who may be there. This will help alleviate some of their fears. It can also be helpful to bring along a friend or neighbor who can leave the service early if the child becomes restless.In the words of Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, who is a noted author, educator and practicing clinical thanatologist,* "If handled with warmth and understanding, a child's early experience with the death of someone loved can be an opportunity to learn about life and living as well as death and dying."Parents must make the ultimate decision, but my personal and professional opinion is that children should be allowed to attend funerals. * Someone who studies the phenomena of death and the psychological mechanisms for coping with them.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2002-05-01 08:53:00

: How can I make sure my funeral and burial arrangements are what I want? Does my family have to follow my wishes?

Tom Morris Question: How can I make sure my funeral and burial arrangements are what I want? Does my family have to follow my wishes?Answer: Unlike planning a party, an anniversary celebration or a wedding where you have weeks or months, a funeral is usually planned in just a few days. But it doesn't have to be.The best way to ensure that the funeral and burial arrangements are what you want is to plan your funeral service and make burial arrangements ahead of time. This is often referred to as "pre-arranging." Funerals can include poems, scripture verses, songs, stories or instrumental music selections, to mention just a few ideas. Music selections, whether vocal or instrumental, can be hymns that were special to you or contemporary pieces that reflect who you were. Stories shared by your loved ones are a special way to bring back fond memories of your life and can help your family reflect. The key to having the funeral the way you want is to plan ahead and let your family know what your wishes are. Take time now to gather those special words and music, and share your ideas with your family and even the funeral home that you plan on using. Put your wishes and ideas in writing and make sure your loved ones know where your file is. You may also want to put a copy on file with the funeral home, but the worst place to put your file is in a safety deposit box. The bank may not be open when the file is needed. But just like a will, your prearranged funeral plan should be reviewed every now and then.Burial arrangements, as mentioned before, can also be made in advance. A cemetery can be chosen based on religious preference, location or because other family members are buried there. Again, the key here is to plan in advance and make your family aware of your choices.There is no law that requires your family members to follow your wishes.  But, my experience has shown me that family members are very appreciative when a funeral is preplanned and they know what is wanted. The family will derive comfort in knowing that they are following your wishes.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2002-01-01 14:20:00

Question: How soon after death must one be buried? Are there any laws? What if the body is cremated? Can the memorial service happen at any time?

Answer: Briefly put, the law in Kansas states that a dead body must be buried, embalmed or cremated within 24 hours of death, or held in such a manner that it is not a nuisance to public health. Refrigeration is the most common manner of holding a body that has not been embalmed.One does not have to be embalmed to be buried, but Kansas law does require embalming if the body is to be placed in a mausoleum crypt. Along these same lines, embalming is not required if the body is to be cremated, but most funeral homes will require embalming if there is to be a public viewing of the deceased.It is customary in our area to have a funeral service two or three days after the time of death. Many factors can come into play when deciding the actual day of the service. The distance out-of-town relatives may have to travel is a common one. We have also experienced setting funeral dates to avoid specific birthdays or anniversaries of family members. Holidays and weekends can also cause the date to be extended or quickened depending on the circumstance. Also, the time of day for the service can be dictated by customs of the church.The cemetery may also be a factor in setting the time and date for a service. Most of the larger cemeteries require a minimum of 24 hours notice. The majority of cemeteries also charge overtime fees for late afternoon burials and weekend burials. It is uncommon to find a cemetery that will allow a burial on Sunday or on a holiday.With cremation, there can be more leeway in setting the service time. The actual process of cremation will generally occur 24 to 48 hours after the time of death unless the family chooses to have public viewing of the deceased or to have the body present at the funeral service. Memorial services are sometimes delayed to try to make the service time more convenient for family and friends. I will often caution families about delaying a service too long because convenience should not be the deciding factor in setting the service time. It has been my experience that friends would generally prefer to attend memorial services soon after the death, even if that means taking time off from work.It is always advisable to confirm the service date and times with both the clergy and the funeral home before they are set. Sometimes their schedules can make it necessary to adjust the exact times of the funeral or the memorial service.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2001-12-01 16:06:00

Question: What happens if someone close to me dies away from home and I am responsible for making arrangements? What is the procedure?

Answer: In today's mobile society, it is not uncommon for a death to occur away from home. This may happen because someone has decided to retire to a warmer climate, has moved to be closer to family members that can assist with care, or has had a tragic accident or health condition that arose while on vacation. Regardless of the reason, the first step is to call your local funeral director.Your local funeral director can be of great assistance because he or she can make the necessary arrangements for you. The local funeral director can be called at any time during the day or night to handle the distant arrangements. Since most funeral homes have a directory of major funeral homes in the United States, your funeral director can contact a funeral home where the death occurred and deal directly with a funeral director there. (Your local funeral home may also be a member of a national association. This can be helpful because your local funeral director may know that funeral director personally.)One thing to keep in mind when planning the funeral is patience. It can take several days to bring the remains home due to state regulations that require specific paperwork before the remains are allowed to cross state lines. The method used to transport the remains can also cause delays. If the death occurs within a few hundred miles of home, it is generally easier and less expensive to send an automobile to bring the remains home. When the death occurs in a distant state, a common airline carrier will generally be used. Delays can be common. For example, in Wichita, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to ship or receive human remains on the weekend at Mid-Continent Airport. Air cargo just isn't open.An extreme situation is a death that occurs outside the United States. This can pose many problems, the least of which can be the language barrier. A death outside the United States may require the assistance of the United States Consulate Office or help from your local congressman's office.If you do a fair amount of traveling, you may want to consider purchasing a Travel Plan from your local funeral home. This is a product that is specifically designed to take care of the expenses and arrangements when a death occurs more than 100 miles away from your legal residence.Contacting your local funeral director at your time of need is the first step in dealing with a death away from home. Your local funeral director is there to help; don't hesitate to call him or her.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2001-11-01 15:18:00

Question: As I recall the funerals I have attended over the last several years, the one that I remember most is a dear friend and loyal supporter of Indiana University. He was buried in an "Indiana Red" casket. The Indiana school song was sung. There were several other "Hoosier" references throughout the service. While at the time I didn’t know what to think, now, years later, I remember it fondly. What are the different things that can be done to personalize a service? Can just about anything be done?

Answer: The personalization of the funeral service is becoming more common every day because no life is ordinary. So why should the remembrance of someone’s life be ordinary? It is often said that the funeral is for the living and not the dead. If personalization can make the service more meaningful, it can be more beneficial to all who attend.One of the main benefits of personalizing a service is it allows family members to participate in planning the funeral ceremony. It is also not uncommon for an individual to take part in personalizing his or her own service by prearranging their own funeral.One method of personalization is with the casket itself. Just like the service you attended where they had an "Indiana Red" casket, there are caskets being manufactured that are licensed to have a school’s mascot, or name printed or even painted on the casket. Many caskets can also have a special embroidered panel placed inside the casket lid, above the head. These panels come in hundreds of designs, from an American flag to a John Deere tractor. In addition to the panels, some caskets have corners that can be changed. These corners may be praying hands or a colorful flowerpot, to name a few.There is also a special white-colored casket that is designed for family and friends to write messages directly on the outside of it with special markers. I have heard of this being used when it was a tragic death of a high school-aged person, and the classmates found comfort in writing a farewell message to the deceased.Many families like to set up a "memory table" or "memory board" where the service will be held. A memory table can consist of favorite items of the deceased, such as potting tools and gloves for the gardener, or fishing equipment for those who loved to fish. The memory board is often a collection of pictures of the deceased through different stages of his or her life. It may also include pictures of their children, grandchildren and friends.Sometimes the personalization of the funeral can be as simple as putting a picture on the service folders, or maybe by printing a special poem or prayer on the inside of the folders, which are given to all who attend the service.Personalization can also be achieved through music, whether it is a special song that has been used at the individual’s wedding, a Mariachi band or a Scottish bagpiper. In addition, casket flowers may be constructed around a cowboy hat or boots to symbolize one’s individuality.A word of advice: if you are planning to have a religious funeral ceremony, do not forget to discuss your ideas with the clergy. The clergy play an integral part in the funeral service, and they may have some suggestions of their own or may have some objections to some of your ideas. Many religions are very structured, and the funeral ceremony can be dictated by religious doctrine.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2001-10-01 17:43:00

Question: My husband is a retired Marine.  Since we are both getting older, we feel we should make preparations for our funerals and burials.  Because of my husband's military service, are we entitled to any military funds?  How do we find out about our eligibility for burial in a national cemetery?  Is there anything we can do now?   How do we make sure our wishes are carried out?

Answer: The Veterans Benefits Administration (VA, for short) will pay a burial allowance of up to $1,500 if a veteran's death is service-connected. In some instances, the VA will also pay the cost of transporting the remains of a service-disabled veteran to the national cemetery nearest the home of the deceased that has available gravesites.The VA will pay a $300 burial and funeral expense allowance for veterans who, at the time of death, were entitled to receive pension or compensation, or would have been entitled to compensation but for receipt of military retirement pay. Eligibility also may be established when death occurs in a VA facility, a nursing home under VA contract, or a state nursing home. Additional costs of transportation of the remains may be paid.The VA will pay a $150 plot allowance when a veteran is not buried in a cemetery that is under U.S. government jurisdiction under the following circumstances: the veteran was discharged from active duty because of a disability incurred or aggravated in the line of duty; the veteran was in receipt of compensation or pension, or would have been except for receiving military retired pay; or the veteran died in a VA facility.Only a small percentage of veterans will qualify for any monetary payment from the VA after the time of death.  But most veterans are eligible for burial in a national cemetery. The guidelines state that veterans and members of the Armed Forces (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps and Coast Guard) who are discharged under conditions other than dishonorable are eligible for burial in a national cemetery. In most cases, this eligibility also extends to the spouse and minor children of the veteran or member of the Armed Forces.This burial benefit makes available a gravesite in any of the 119 national cemeteries with available space, opening and closing of the grave, perpetual care, a government headstone or marker, a grave liner for casketed remains, a burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate, at no cost to the family.In addition to the burial of casketed remains, most national cemeteries also have space available for the burial of cremated remains.Gravesites in the VA national cemeteries cannot be reserved in advance. But families are encouraged to prepare in advance by discussing cemetery options and collecting the veteran's military information, including discharge papers. I cannot stress enough the importance of having easy access to military discharge papers (most commonly, the DD214 report) at the time of death. It would be a good idea to keep a copy of this information in a safe place other than a safety deposit box, which can be hard to access on weekends. As always, the best way to make sure your wishes are carried out is to put them in writing and to discuss them with the family members who will be left to take care of your final arrangements. Also, if you make pre-arrangements with a funeral home, give them a copy of the discharge papers for their files.A lot of the information contained in this article was taken directly from the Veterans Administration Web site, which can be found at http://www.va.gov/. You can also call their assistance center at 1 (800) 827-1000 to request additional information, and also to obtain military records.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2001-09-01 11:07:00

Question: We recently attended the funeral of my wife's aunt. She had been ill for some time. After the ceremony, we were visiting with her son and daughter. They told us they had taken care of all of the arrangements several months before she passed. They were both very glad they did, as it reduced a lot of stress. It seems obvious that advance planning will do this, but are there any other benefits? Is it less expensive? Can you lock in the cost at present-day rates? Can you assign proceeds from a life insurance policy rather than paying cash now?

Answer: There are many benefits to prearranging a funeral for yourself or a loved one. Thoughtful preparation can offer peace of mind not only to the one making the plans but also to those left behind. Preplanning is also a practical gesture because it allows you to make unhurried, informed decisions. It compels you to organize important documents your survivors will need later.At the time of a death, the funeral home will need vital statistics information to complete the death certificate and write the newspaper obituary. This is information that is easy to compile ahead of time but can be difficult to locate after a death. The information that some survivors struggle with is the maiden name of the deceased's mother, ancestry, years of education, military service information, and the proper way to list an occupation in the paper, just to mention a few.In addition to getting information ahead of time, another advantage of prearranging is the option of prepaying the funeral expenses. This can ease the possible financial pressures put on a family at the time of a death. To determine how much money is necessary to fund a prearranged funeral, the funeral home will first determine what today's cost of your funeral wishes are. These expenses will generally include the service charges of the funeral home, the cost of the casket and possibly the cemetery vault. In Kansas, most funeral homes use one of two methods to shelter the funds that are set aside to cover the prearranged funeral. The first method is with the use of a certificate of deposit at a bank. Most funeral homes will guarantee the future cost of the funeral as long as the interest is left with the original principal that is deposited. The second method, and more commonly, is with the use of a specially designed insurance policy. In essence, the insurance premiums serve as payments toward the funeral, and in most cases the funeral plan is guaranteed even if death occurs before the person makes all of the premium payments.Another advantage to prepaying a funeral is if the future recipient of the funeral is going on state assistance. The state of Kansas will often tell individuals to "spend down" their assets to qualify for state assistance. The state will allow you to prepay your funeral as long as the value of the insurance is irrevocably assigned to a funeral home. In other words, you no longer have control of the money, and the money must be used to pay funeral expenses.Most funeral homes will allow you to assign an existing insurance policy to them, but will probably not guarantee the future cost of the funeral. Many older insurance policies do not have an increasing death benefit, thus, a funeral home cannot be assured that the insurance policy will keep up with their increasing costs and inflation.

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Final Arrangements

Tom Morris

2001-07-01 12:31:00

Question:  My husband and I recently established a trust.  Included in this trust is our will and a place for us to indicate our wishes for our funerals.  Both my husband and I have decided upon cremation, but we really don’t know what to say about disposition of the ashes.  What are the choices?

Answer:  Probably the most common method of disposition of cremains (cremated remains) is ground burial.  Urns may be buried in standard cemetery plots.   This is often the choice when space has been reserved for the deceased in a family plot.  Most cemeteries allow the burial of at least two urns per one adult burial space.  A marker or headstone can then be placed at the site to memorialize the death. Many cemeteries now also provide urn gardens for the burial of urns. Another choice is the placement of an urn within a niche in a columbarium.  This would be equivalent to placing a casket in a mausoleum crypt.  Columbaria are most often located within a cemetery and may be an entire building, a room, or a series of niches along the inside walls.  Outdoor settings may include the placement of urns within a garden wall or sculpture.   Like ground burial, the use of a niche also allows the placement of a nameplate to identify the urn.Some churches have also developed areas inside and outside their buildings for the placement and burial of urns.Another option to the disposition of ashes is to scatter the cremains.  Many cemeteries now offer special areas for this, such as large flower gardens.  Some have common graves the ashes can be deposited in.  Both can provide a large plaque for the placement of the deceased person's name. In addition to scattering cremains in cemeteries, they can also be deposited anywhere you have the landowner’s permission.  Federal law does prohibit this on federal parks or federal waterways.  It is also not unusual to hear of ashes being scattered from the air or over water.   Although this may appeal to some people, you should consider how your survivors will feel later on.  Many people need a specific location to go to for reflection, in addition to a funeral or memorial service.The urn may also be taken home and displayed in a bookcase or on the mantle. This should only be considered a temporary situation, pending a decision regarding the final placement of the cremains.   For security as well as peace of mind, the urn should ultimately find a permanent place for memorialization. Cremation does allow ample time for friends and family from miles away to come together weeks or even months later, at which time they can carry out the wishes of the deceased.There are countless ways to store and place cremains.  Your first step in making a decision about the disposition of ashes could be to gather family members or significant others who will carry out your wishes.  I would encourage you to work this out ahead of time so everyone is comfortable with the decision.